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Local / Sports

After Terrible End To Bills Season Local Man Checks With Cardiologist Before Jumping On Sabres Bandwagon

January 26, 2023January 27, 2023 - by P.A. Kane

Buffalo, NY—Coming down from a terrible Bills playoff loss to the Bengals last weekend, Zub Norkwood, a sixty-one year old lifelong resident of South Buffalo decided to pay a visit …

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Local / Sports

Longtime Bills Season Ticket Holder Questions Commitment Of Fans In His Section

January 12, 2023January 13, 2023 - by P.A. Kane

Orchard Park, NY—Lloyd Crackleknob, a Bills season ticket holder since the Kay Stephenson era has become disillusioned with the commitment of fans in his section. Over the years Crackleknob has …

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Local / Sports

Area Man More Convinced Universe Righting Itself After Second Straight Bills Loss

November 13, 2022November 14, 2022 - by P.A. Kane

Buffalo, NY—Many Western New Yorkers will wake on Monday morning feeling the effects of a second straight Bills loss. Some will think about resuming an old cigarette habit, others will …

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Local / Sports

Local Man Asserts Bills Loss First Step Toward Righting The Universe

November 10, 2022November 13, 2022 - by P.A. Kane

Buffalo, NY—Many Western New Yorkers woke up Monday morning after the Bills loss to the Jets thinking about resuming that old cigarette habit or just calling off work and binging …

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Local / Sports

Williamsville Astrophysicist Temporarily Leaves NASA To Follow Bills

October 21, 2022October 21, 2022 - by P.A. Kane

Buffalo, N.Y.—Twenty-nine year old Astrophysicist and Williamsville native, Dr. Nicholas Knocklinger has decided to take a temporary leave from NASA, where he heads up a team interpreting images from the …

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Sports

Former Bills Quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick To Advocate For “Hairy Man” Causes In Retirement

June 9, 2022August 25, 2022 - by P.A. Kane

Buffalo, NY—After seventeen seasons former Bills quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick retired from the NFL this week. The journeyman signal caller played for nine different teams, amassing a record of 59-87-1 with …

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Local / Sports

Lame Third Period Wave Marrs Rick Jeanneret’s Glorious Final Call

May 5, 2022October 20, 2022 - by P.A. Kane

Buffalo, NY—Friday night marked the end to the fifty-one year run of Buffalo Sabres play-by-play man Rick Jeanneret. His glorious final call featured a walk-off  overtime goal by Casey Mittelstadt …

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Local / Sports

Lame White People Play Longest And Most Pointless Basketball Game In History

August 15, 2021August 16, 2021 - by P.A. Kane

Buffalo, NY—Having nothing meaningful to do with their lives since The Gap has essentially been Amazoned out of business and with the new iPhone13 is still a couple of months …

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Local / Sports

Local Anti-Vaxxers Are Standing With Cole Beasley In Spite Of His Man Bun

July 31, 2021August 5, 2021 - by P.A. Kane

Buffalo, NY—Vaccine hesitant, freedom loving Western New Yorkers are standing with outspoken Bills wide receiver Cole Beasley in spite of his absurd man bun. Under different circumstances it might be …

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Sports

Self Hating Sabres Fans Missing The Misery

December 4, 2020February 16, 2021 - by P.A. Kane

Buffalo, NY—While the weekly anxiety inducing third-quarter swoon by Josh Allen and the Bills falls squarely in line with the futility of Buffalo sports teams, this year the Bills have …

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