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National

Leak Reveals John Bolton’s Intrepid Mustache Planning To Knock Trump Out Presidential Race

August 29, 2023September 1, 2023 - by P.A. Kane

Washington D.C.—This week a leak revealed that the intrepid mustache of former National Security Advisor John Bolton was hatching a plan to knock Donald Trump out of the 2024 presidential …

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National

Tucker Carlson Spends Quiet Weekend Tanning Testicles With Don Jr. and Don Lemon

April 29, 2023April 30, 2023 - by P.A. Kane

Bryant Pond, Maine—After his abrupt ouster from Fox News at the beginning of the week right wing host Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson is spending a quiet weekend tanning his testicles …

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National

World Wants Elon Musk To “Shut The Fuck Up”

November 3, 2022December 29, 2022 - by P.A. Kane

Planet Earth—Consensus on any topic among planet Earth’s one-hundred-ninety-five countries is nearly impossible, but there is unanimity when it comes to the world’s richest, and arguably whitest man—a man whiter …

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National

January 6th Select Committee Passes On Tiffany Trump’s Offer To Testify

July 14, 2022August 25, 2022 - by P.A. Kane

Washington, D.C.—Tiffany Trump, the daughter of the former president Donald Trump from his only American wife, Marla Maples, reached out to January 6th Select Committee chairman Bennie Thompson (D. MS) …

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National

Proud Boys Dispute Embedded Filmmakers Taco Claims

June 17, 2022August 25, 2022 - by P.A. Kane

Washington D.C.—Last week documentary filmmaker Nick Quested, testified before the House Select Committee on the January 6 Attack. Quested had been embedded with the white supremacist hate group, the Proud …

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National

Conservative “Daily Wire” To Produce Anti-WOKE Kids Programs To Counter Disney

April 8, 2022August 25, 2022 - by P.A. Kane

Washington, D.C.—The conservative media company “The Daily Wire” announced this week that it would be spending one-hundred million dollars to produce anti-WOKE children’s programming to counter the out of control …

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National

Conspiracy Theorists Struggle To Find New Bullshit To Scare Grievance Filled White People

March 4, 2021March 5, 2021 - by P.A. Kane

Orlando, Florida—For the first time since the end of his presidency Donald Trump returned to the public stage at CPAC in Orlando this past weekend, to once again cry foul …

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National

Progressives Admit They’re Kind Of Missing Trump’s Bullshit

February 21, 2021February 22, 2021 - by P.A. Kane

Washington, D.C.—As Joe Biden ushers in a more traditional presidency progressive supporters are breathing a sigh of relief. These same progressive supporters however, also find themselves wondering what Applebee’s Kayleigh …

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National

Local Author Catches The Eye Of Tiffany Trump At President’s Farewell

January 25, 2021January 25, 2021 - by P.A. Kane

Washington D.C.—Local author P.A.Kane, the 1.5 millionth ranked author on Amazon, was among tens of people who attended President Trump’s farewell from Andrews Air Force Base in Washington last week. …

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National

Capitol Breach Produces Ultimate Humiliation: Canada And France Feel Sorry For United States

January 16, 2021January 16, 2021 - by P.A. Kane

United States, America—We’ve all made jokes about hockey and doughnuts and the “Maginot Line” being little more than a Nazi speedbump on the way to Paris at the start of …

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  • Local Author Taking Temporary Leave To Pursue “Baywatch Silver” Project
  • Local Musician Feels Incredible Anxiety And Judgment From Lou Reed Postcard
  • Sloan Man Releases Treasure Trove Of Millard Fillmore Fan Fiction
  • Leak Reveals John Bolton’s Intrepid Mustache Planning To Knock Trump Out Presidential Race
  • Ten Rumors: Bills First Round Draft Pick Dalton Kincaid
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