Buffalo, NY—This past weekend Josh Allen’s longtime girlfriend Brittany Williams unfollowed the Bills quarterback and took down all the photos of them together from her Instagram page leading to speculation that the couple had parted ways. With news that QB1 may be a bachelor, the level of excitement among the female population in Western New York is at mid-90’s levels when Dominick Hasek promised to “love all girls on Chippewa Street Hasiokie style.” However, to the football faithful of Western New York this development is extremely concerning.
The possible split comes as Allen returned to Buffalo for voluntary organized team activities down at One Bills Drive. Looking like the adult version of Tony DeFranco from the DeFanco Family, with his hair grown out and an easy smile on his face, Allen calmly took questions from the media after his team workout stating, “At this point in my life, I’ve never been as focused or locked in on football as I am right now.”
But nobody believes that Allen being unattached will be good for his game despite his “locked in” assertion. Here’s a few examples of what some fans are thinking:
Ronald Ravenclaw, a Crane Operator for the John Danforth Company, thinks this could really hurt the Bills prospects for the coming season. He said, “With a steady woman at your side you always have someone there to point out your flaws and keep you honest. Josh isn’t going to have that anymore. And, he’s not going to have anyone reminding him that, not only does Patrick Mahomes have two rings, but Brittany Mahomes also has two babies. How will Josh ever stay motivated to win without his Brittany constantly clucking at him?”
Glenn Gasser, an Accounts Executive at Rich Products is worried about the volume of women who are going to throw themselves at Josh. In Gasser’s mind, “An unattached Josh Allen is going to be invited into more “velvet lounges” and get more “mouth hugs” than Joe Namath could ever imagine—even after the ‘68 season. And, you know there’s going to be famous women like Kim Kardashian looking for him. She’s due another NFL player after a bevy of rappers, singers and comedians. Josh has the fame and the bank to be her fall rental. Bottom line, not only will the Kim Kardashians of the world be coming for him, but he’s going to have unfettered access at every “taco bar” in the country, if you know what I mean. And that ain’t good for the Bills.”
Felix Flounder, a West Seneca School Bus Driver is concerned about the dog Allen shares with Williams—Sky. Sky is a chocolate lab and in a break up like this the woman normally gets the dog, even though in all likelihood it would rather be with the man—especially when the man is an alpha dog himself, like QB1. “I mean, can Brittany throw a stick seventy yards like Josh?” Flounder asked. “Does she have the agility to play a game of chase like Josh? Can she say “NO,” in a commanding voice like an NFL quarterback? Of course not, but she’ll want and she’ll get Sky even though everyone knows it would be better off with Josh…and it will break his heart and cause him to be distracted. And ultimately that will show up in his game.”
This will be Allen’s sixth year in the NFL and a pivotal one for the Bills.