Tea Party Budget Hawks Have Other Shit To Do Now
Erie, Pa.—The headline made me sick to my stomach—especially with a Republican heading the goverment: “US Budget Deficit Shatters Record. “ How had we taken our eye off the ball? …
Read MoreNational
President Trump Seeks Advice On School Reopening From Mr. Kotter
Washington D.C.—This past week President Trump retweeted a post from game show host Chuck Woolery saying the media, the Democrats and the CDC are lying about Covid 19 to block …
Read MoreNative American Protesters Told To “Go Home” By Trump Supporters At Fourth of July Celebration
Mount Rushmore, South Dakota—Ahead of a campaign style celebration at Mount Rushmore this past Fourth of July weekend supporters of President Trump called on protesting Native Americans of the Sioux …
Read MoreIvanka Quietly Looking For A Girlfriend Ahead Of November Elections
Washington, D.C.—First daughter Ivanka Trump is quietly looking for a girlfriend ahead of the November elections. With the United States experiencing the world’s highest infection and death rate as a …
Read MoreLocal Author Thinking Outside The Box Just Like President Trump
Buffalo, N.Y.—On Thursday medical officials and Reckitt Benckiser, the United Kingdom-based owner of Lysol rebuffed President Trump for suggesting that household disinfectant products could be used to clean the lungs …
Read MoreShamWow Guy To Make Appearance At Trump Press Briefing
Washington D.C.— Inside sources say later this week President Trump will have the ShamWow pitchman, Vince Shlomi make an appearance at his daily press briefing to demonstrate how to effectively …
Read MoreHoly Fuck, Someone Married Stephen Miller
Washington, D.C.—Monday morning the world was stunned to learn Trump Senior Advisor and White Supremacist, Stephen Miller found an actual woman to marry him. Miller’s new wife, Katie Waldman, was …
Read MoreThe Price Of War
United States, America— The price of war is something most people will never comprehend. The human toll cannot truly be conveyed by fleeting images on the six o’clock news. Sure, …
Read MoreBulletproof Apparel: It’s Sensible And It Looks Good Too…
United States, America—With the new school year (aka the shooting season) ramping up parents are not only buying pencils and rulers, but the latest bulletproof apparel. As mass shootings continue …
Read MoreStudy Finds AR15 Owners Have Highest Prevalence Of Micro-Penises
Wheeling, WV—A wide-ranging study conducted by Schlong University found that military style, AR15 gun owners have the highest prevalence of micro-penises in the country. Lead researcher Dr. Christopher Hoggsealt said …
Read More