Buffalo Mud Endorses Candidate Of Love For President: Marianne Williamson


Buffalo, NY—In the no brainerest of all no brainer decision, the editorial staff at Buffalo Mud fully and unequivocally endorses Marianne Williamson as the next President of these United States. It is the opinion of the editorial staff that Ms. Williamson, a speaker, spiritual guru and New York Times best selling author has the poise, grace and most of all- LOVE to heal and raise America in these dark, air brushed, cheeto skinned, times.  

One need to look no further than Ms.Williamson closing statement during last week’s Democratic debate, where she delivered a message to ole’ mushroom dick, Donald Trump, whom she accuses of harnessing “fear for political purposes.” She declared, “I’m going to harness love for political purposes. I will meet you on that field, and sir, love will win.” 

It is high time the United States turn away from its militarism of the past seventy-five years and pursue the witchcraft of LOVE proposed by Williamson. As a spiritual guru to the likes Oprah and Gwyneth Paltrow she has not only the potential to be a transformational President, but a transformational world leader.

One can foresee Oprah as Secretary of Living Abundantly. She’ll guide the masses inward, away from the asshole lives they are living, to find and heal their wounded inner selves. Coming out the other side people will be, cleansed and renewed, ready to live a life of abundance, regardless of crime, poverty, lack of opportunity or social structure- as living abundantly is not a practice as much as it’s an attitude. One only needs to think of abundance to live a life of abundance.

Gwyneth Paltrow will serve dual roles. She will be Secretary of Conscious Uncoupling, where she’ll inform the masses how to dump their boring, unthreatening rockstar husbands in the most fucking pretentious manner possible. Her second position will be Secretary of Wellness where she’ll provide instruction on how to yawn, the benefits of bee sting facials and lots of stuff dealing with your vaginas (pay close attention snowflake Trumpers) from inserting jade eggs to harness power and energy to promoting health and well-being with vaginal steams.

During a Williamson Presidency we can envision incense and essential oils distributed to a thankful citizenry like blocks of government cheese of yesteryear. The air will be filled with the songs of Josh Groban and Enya. Sting will make a comeback. Not only will everyone be grooving to The Dream Of The Blue Turtles again, but he will produce solo performance videos on the powers of tantric sex where he’ll spoon lovingly with himself in six-hour increments.

All in all any of the present Democratic candidates would be a step up from the, climate denying, children caging, brink of war policies of the current orange monster occupying the White House, but a Marianne Williamson presidency would be the wackiest, most fun and the one filled with the LOVE we so desperately need.    

About P.A. Kane

Writer and payer of tuition.

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