Buffalo, NY—This week local author P.A.Kane announced he is taking a temporary leave from his popular fake news/satire website Buffalo Mud to write and star in a television production called “Baywatch Silver.” The project is a spin-off of the 90’s show “Baywatch” and like the original will be set in Malibu.
The narrative will see Kane as an aging but resplendent lifeguard who both patrols the beach and distills emotional support to the rich, empty Malibu housewives and grandmas who frequent the sandy paradise. He’ll remind the housewives they are more than their boob jobs and the Botox that puffs up their lips. He’ll be there for the grandmas who need a hand setting up umbrellas or getting up from beach chairs and he’ll reassure them Papa’s floppy erectile dysfunction is his problem and his problem alone. Mostly, in the breezy California sunshine he’ll pump these ladies up and reawaken them to the fact that they are good and worthy of love. And, of course, if they forget or misplace their sunscreen—he’ll always have a tube of creamy SPF50 handy.
Co-starring with Kane will be the totally awesome and equally resplendent 80’s supermodel Paulina Porizkova. She’ll run a taco stand on the beach and lean on Kane, the 1.5 millionth ranked most popular Amazon author, as she continues to heal from the dissolution of her marriage to former Cars frontman Ric Ocasek, who had written her out of his will a few months prior to his death in 2019. At this point Kane is unsure about the story arc with Porizkova, but given the abundance of resplendeness between them the chemistry should be a fine mix of blue skies and sunshine with the occasional dash of thunder and lightning. Kane said, “It’ll be the kind of alchemy that will cause eyes to grow big and jaws to drop, like when Julia Roberts lost her mind and married Lyle Lovett.”
Readers of Buffalo Mud will also recall that Kane was tapped to play the role of Mitch Buchannon, in the original 1989 series. That part eventually went to David Hasselhoff because, in Kane’s opinion, producers were shallow and lacked vision. After rejecting various storylines he developed, including one that incorporated T.S, Elliott’s “The Waste Land,” he stepped away from the project citing irreconcilable artistic differences.
Separated by three decades since the original Kane is neither young nor idealistic anymore. “I just want to have fun,” he said. “And I want to bring the hairy back. I was tapped to be the first “Golden Bachelor,” but turned it down because my hairy gloriousness would have been muted or worse, manscaped away by producers. Yeah, myself and Ryan Fitzpatrick, we’re going to bring back the hairy.”
Episodes written thus far include: Nana’s Sexy Two-Piece; Irene Gets Thumped; Blisters Everywhere; P.A. and Paulina’s Crazy Tequila Night; Birdie’s Broken Hip; Mystery Shits Fouling The Beach; Another Crab Story; Betty’s Brand New Double D’s . . . and others.
Kane isn’t sure how long he’ll be away from Buffalo Mud but emphasized his leave is temporary and he’ll return as soon as possible to again provide readers with the best in lean, antibiotic free, environmentally friendly fake news/satire. He is grateful for all the support he has received through the years.