Ten New Year’s Resolutions
A quick survey of resolutions across Western New York in the New Year: Wanda Wannamaker— (School bus driver, Cheektowaga) “I’m resolved to falling in love again. Well, maybe not love, …
Read MoreAuthor: P.A. Kane
After Thirteen Straight Years of Christmas Sabres Tickets, Amherst Siblings Want to Know Why Uncle John Fucking Hates Them
Amherst, NY—For the last thirteen years, John Jackinjoff has gifted his nephews Jimmy( 21) and Joey (23) Jackinjoff Sabres tickets at Christmas. This year, however, when the nephews found tickets …
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Hallmark Channel Options “Bad Ronald” Christmas Story
Los Angeles, California—Executives at the Hallmark Channel have optioned a made-for-TV Christmas movie featuring Punk716 frontman “Bad Ronald.” The script and story were written by local author P.A.Kane, and is …
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Local Man Improves Mental Health Barking Back at World Like His Dog
Lackawanna, NY—Recently, Tommy Tinsel, a CSX train engineer, has been observing the barking patterns of his dog, Kaya Francis Bean. Since his wife of sixteen years, Terri, left him for …
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Moon Unit Zappa Rebuffs Trump’s Overtures to Head Space Force
Mar-A-Loco, Fl.—Seeking to diminish the intense blowback over the controversial cabinet nominations of Robert Kennedy Jr. at Health and Human Services and Pete Hegseth at the Department of Defense, President-elect …
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“Just Ronald” Making Strong Bid to Reclaim “Bad Ronald” Moniker
Buffalo, NY—Longtime readers of Buffalo Mud will recall local drummer “Just Ronald” lost his “Bad Ronald” handle after a series of absurd comments regarding the Cure’s masterpiece work Disintegration, endless …
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Buffalo Mud Wins Infowars Shed at Auction
Houston, Texas—Last week, the satirical outlet The Onion won an auction to acquire the conspiracy platform Infowars in Houston bankruptcy court. After the deal was completed, auditors realized that they …
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Stefon Diggs: “Maybe It Was Me”…
This past offseason disgruntled Buffalo Bills wide out Stefon Diggs was traded to the Houston Texans for a 2025 second-round draft pick. Despite all-pro talent, Diggs and his accompanying drama—showing …
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Democrats Pivot to New Enemy: Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
USA— Donald Trump and the Republican Party won a decisive electoral victory last week riding a wave of economic disillusionment, xenophobia, sexism, and transphobia, Trump gained ground in every county …
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South Buffalo Man Solves Vodka Problem With Bourbon
South Buffalo—On a recent visit to his favorite liquor store, Abbott Wine & Spirits, South Buffalo native Frank Forkemworm started to think that perhaps he was drinking too much—not too …
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