Sarah Palin To Star In Falwell Porno

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Sarah Palin

Anchorage, Alaska—Unemployed and recently divorced former Alaska governor and Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin announced this week she has contracted with Powtang Studios to star in a pornographic film titled “Two Christocrites and a Pool Boy”.  Ripped from the headlines the video will document the bizarre love triangle between Becki and Jerry Falwell Jr. and their pool boy, Giancarlo Granda. Palin will play Becki Falwell with supporting roles from  Mel Gibson as Falwell Jr. and Nick Jonas as the pool boy. The film will feature intrigue, deception and poolside flip-flop knocking . . . lots of flip-flop knocking and bagpiping too . . . mostly flip-flop knocking and bagpiping.

B. Falwell, G. Granda, J. Falwell Jr.
Nick Jonas

Palin said she is excited about the opportunity to try something new and to work with really fine Christians like Mel Gibson and Nick Jonas. “Everybody expected me to do a Playboy shoot at some point, but the magazine is mostly on-line now and couldn’t come up with the big-bucks like Powtang.” She said the venture presents new challenges like memorizing dialogue, which she finds difficult. But the initial process has been quite enjoyable, especially the rehearsals with Jonas. “Nick really knows how to nail things down,” she said with a smile and that iconic Palin wink.

Jonas said he is enjoying the process as well. “Though we haven’t been at it long I learned quickly in rehearsals Ms. Palin is a very talented and beautiful woman. While she doesn’t always follow the script as written, her improvisations, where she smokily tells me to adjust her “ph levels,” or to “filter out” her impurities are spot on. It’s hard to believe she’s even acting. I think we’re making a film people will really like.

Mel Gibson

For Mel Gibson this type of film is a first too. “I’ve never been in a project where I’ve had such a passive role,” he said. “All I’m doing is sitting in a pool chair off to the side making these weird guttural sounds while I manipulate myself. It’s actually quite enjoyable. So much so, I’m thinking about trying it at home.”

Since the announcement of her contract with Powtang, the offers have been pouring in—for really big money. Palin is open to doing another project, but it has to be the right project. “Yea, y’know, I’m open to doing more stuff, but most of the offers are Obama related and y’know that’s a no-go because I have standards. It’s just not good for my image to y’know, to be messing around with Muslims from Kenya.” Palin is open to working with less controversial people like Kid Rock and Ted Nugent. “Me and the Motor City Madman could do something beautiful out in the woods. And Kid Rock, y’know could bring the rock,” she said, winking again.

Winky Palin

Look for “Two Christocrites and a Pool Boy,” at your favorite porn site in the near future.

About P.A. Kane

Writer and payer of tuition.

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