Buffalo NY—After years of a shaky sexless marriage Marion Dombrowski of Kaisertown finally talked her way too proud husband Stan into securing pills to help him and her with his erectile dysfunction. As they became re-aquainted with each other Marion stumbled onto the secret for mind blowing sex.
After a few glasses of wine one night as they were waiting for the pills to take effect, Marion started to play around getting down on her knees putting Stan’s limp member up to her ear and saying, “Klondike 473 . . . is anybody there? Hello . . . hello . . . are you ever going to pick up, Klondike 473?”
Stan, who always had a temper, was furious and stormed out of the room leaving Marion to her own devices, again.
Though proud, angry and none too bright Stan didn’t know what to do with himself once the pills kicked in, so he went back to Marion and got after her like he was twenty years old again.
As she luxuriated in the spooning bliss afterwards, Marion had an epiphany. Given Stan’s neanderthal like brain and his tendency to blow things out of proportion she thought she might be able to tweak his dark side after taking a pill and hopefully it would get him to perform like he did that day. Or better yet, like a young Harrison Ford. Still, better, she thought like a young Darth Vader. She could hear the Vader theme song in her head and could feel his dark charisma as he approached. The music would fade and he would say: “Marion, I am here to sex you.”
It worked like a charm. Several minutes after taking a pill Marion carefully poked her husband:
“Stan, tomorrow morning I’m going to Earsing’s for more hanging baskets.”
“Goddammit, Marion, we’ve spent a fortune on hanging baskets already. There’s no room for anymore baskets. I’ll have to buy more hooks and build a goddamn addition on the house. NO MORE BASKETS.”
Marion was such an expert at pissing Stan off, she soon didn’t even need to have a complete thought:
“Stan, you know what we should do . . .”
“Stop right there Marion. When you say we, I know that means just ME. I WON’T HAVE IT. I CAN’T KEEP UP AS IT IS. NO MORE PROJECTS AND NO MORE OF THIS: YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO, BULLSHIT…”
And just when she thought her sex life, which had been missing for so long, couldn’t get any better, a throwaway line in a moment of passion produced mind blowing results.
Stan was going through his new found routine when Marion, already overflowing with joy from his angry love, breathlessly said, “I want to die like this.” These words seemed to infuse Stan with a new urgency, an added commitment. He thrashed and thrashed at Marion until she was a puddle of exposed nerves. Afterwards, as the vibrations of her bliss slowly dripped away, she asked Stan, who was fully dressed by then, what had gotten into him, to which he responded, “Quite frankly Marion, I love you, but you really piss me off. And, when you said that bit about wanting “to die like this,” well, I tried to kill you . . . with my dick.”
Marion sometimes wonders if their new supercharged sex life is a bit much for Stan and his health. But then she reconsiders, thinking, in the end Stan’s anger will most likely do him in anyway, so why not get something out of it for myself.
