Manchester, England—The closest Oasis will get to Buffalo on their massive world tour is a couple of dates at Rogers Stadium in Toronto at the end of August. On the tour, fans should expect continued bickering, melees, and possibly even a death between lead singer Liam Gallagher and his brother Noel, the band’s guitarist and principal songwriter.
It is their first tour in sixteen years, and Noel pointed out the tenor of the Britpop group hasn’t changed much during their long hiatus. He said, “Oasis isn’t one of these wanker bands like fucking REO Speedwagon or Train, who do yoga and drink cold-pressed juices. We snort cocaine, drink Jack Daniels, and beat the shit out of each other. So, the possibility that one of us could bite it is always there, isn’t it? What the fuck is a REO Speedwagon anyway?”
In addition to a general combustibility with the world, which includes press battles with Blur and other bands, there is also an ever-present combustibility between Liam and his brother Noel. The brothers’ clashes have been both verbal and physical, including onstage altercations, musical disputes, and numerous public insults, and have been a defining characteristic of the group
“Liam is the angriest fucker I know,” said Noel. “I expect that he might be the stroker that dies, but again, some of his shite might result in collateral damage and bring some other bloke down. In ‘95, he was tantruming on stage and hit me with a tambourine like he was that little red-headed bird, Tracy from the Partridge Family. I said fuck it, and went to Vegas and booked the Pharaoh suite at the Luxor hotel. Next thing I know, I’m eating burgers and doing cocaine with this fucking attendant dressed like a fucking Pharaoh. I was really wobbly for a few days and could’ve ended myself like fucking John Entwistle.
“Tamborine?” Liam responded. “That tosser, Noel, once hit me in the head with a fucking cricket bat. You Yanks don’t know this, but a cricket bat is every bit a Louisville Slugger, and fucking Noel goes all Willie Mays on my head. I don’t want to hear any shite from that arsehat about a fucking tambourine.”
Rhythm guitarist Paul “Bonehead” Arthurs is back touring with the brothers for the first time since 1999 and could definitely see someone dying, maybe even himself. “I’ve been with these twats from the start in the early 90s and saw it all, and it isn’t a stretch to say one of us could be done in. After all, the fucking Gallaghers think they’re all kind of special for being City fans, when all the real football fans from Manchester are fucking United supporters, aren’t they? I could see us pissed in the pub and getting in a row about football and beating the shit out of them. They don’t call me “Bonehead” for nothing, do they? And I can see some daft act that will do me or them in for good.”
Tickets for the Toronto show on August 24 and 25 are still available on the secondary market—if the band can make it that far without maiming or killing each other.
