World Wide Web—MAGAMingle.US is a dating platform designed for like-minded people on the right side of the political spectrum. MAGAMingle.US, is where Trump/MAGA supporters, conservatives, republicans, Tea Party members, populists, classical liberals, libertarians and freedom loving Americans can chat up others who also believe Democratic pedophile rings operate in the basements of pizza shops, that numbers, facts and peer reviewed science is just a bunch of liberal bullshit and where grabbing a woman by the pussy isn’t assault, but rather a loving kind of foreplay that ends with the meatloaf special at the Cracker Barrel.
Both men and women agree MAGAMingle fills a real need. While patrons of the right-wing platform typically don’t have as many teeth or high school diplomas as potential partners at other dating sites there are a lot less awkward situations and the getting to know you period is much smoother. Users complained that when you dated people from other sites you had to be very careful bringing up topics like: stop the steal, the uselessness of vaccines and the immigrant problem. But when you’re out with a MAGAMingle person it’s a given that Joe Biden is a senile old fuck who really isn’t the President, Fauci is a senile old fuck and a quack and we need to build the wall like—fuckin’ yesterday.
Calvin Finklefan, a building inspector in St. Louis is a huge fan of the platform. “I was having a beautiful dinner at Denny’s with a woman named Urlene—she raises chickens and bakes pies—when this black guy comes into the restaurant. Of course he ordered the “Plate Lickin’ Chicken Fried Chicken,” and though he ate his meal quietly, I knew he was up to no good and Urlene knew it too. We followed him to make sure he made it back to his side of the Delmar Divide. When he went into a house not far from the restaurant we pulled over and watched that house all night. After Urlene dozed off with her head on my shoulder smelling like a tuna melt I thought to myself—a woman cozying up to me after a night at Denny’s and racial profiling a black guy—god bless MAGAMingle.”
Personal Care Aide, Jenny Bumplefine has been very pleased with the type of men she’s been meeting at MAGAMingle. “Guys from other sites are always trying to show me they’re respectable and good earners. The MAGAMingle guys just kind of instinctively know the way to get my yoga pants off and remove my glass eye—which drives them sooooo crazy—is a twelve pack of Busch Lite and a day out in the country blowing up squirrels and rabbits with a twelve gauge shotgun. It’s just so nice to not deal with bullshit and be in tune with a man. Last night this dope MAGA guy took me a highway overpass where we waved a Trump flag, did shots of Fireball and shouted at liberals who flipped us off that they can go fuck themselves. H-E-A-V-E-N.”
The cost of MAGAMingle is approximately forty dollars per month. A portion of that fee is donated to the Trump Legal Defense Fund—in other words Donald Trump’s bank account.
