Citing 2nd Amendment Concerns South Buffalo Parents Will Continue To Send Kids To Public Schools


Buffalo, N.Y.—Throughout the summer Bucky and Margret Sullivan have been wrestling with the idea of homeschooling their two kids, Fallon, 8 and James, 6. The South Buffalo parents are annoyed that in the Buffalo Public Schools their children will receive Phd. level instruction on personal pronouns, rainbows and minority rights. They also don’t like their kids learning about peer reviewed, provable math and science, which everyone knows is just a bunch of mumbo jumbo for liberal indoctrination. And they’re upset their children will never know the joy of being in gym class and getting hit or hitting someone in the face with a dodgeball. Despite all this, citing 2nd Amendment concerns, Fallon and James will continue to attend the Discovery School on Abbott Road.

Just add a t-shirt

“It’s a matter of principle,” Margret Sullivan said. “What kind of message does it send if we just fold our tents and let them stay home? It sends the wrong message. It says we don’t believe in the 2nd Amendment. It says we don’t believe a good guy with a gun stops a bad guy with a gun, which we know is true. Just this summer that mall shooter in Indiana got his ass handed to him, excuse my language, after only taking out a measly four people by a good guy with a gun. 
Yes I know there were good guys with guns in Uvalde Texas, here in Buffalo at Tops, at the Harvest Music Festival, at Pulse Night Club, in Marjory Stoneman High School and other places. Point is the 2nd Amendment and freedom are more precious than ten shoppers, sixty concert goers, forty-nine nightclub patrons and a whole slew of school age kids and high schoolers. I want my children to respect and love both the 2nd Amendment and freedom even if it means they senselessly get gunned down at school or in some other setting.”  

To reduce the threat of violence both Sullivan kids will be sporting bulletproof backpacks and clothing this fall. The South Buffalo parents also want schools to invest in a slew of innovative products such as armored classroom doors, bulletproof whiteboards and surveillance systems. In addition to these safety measures both Bucky and Margaret want these teachers, who spend all summer posting pics of themselves in straw hats drinking White Claws down at Canal Side, to put a little time aside to do some tactical military training to keep the kids in classrooms safe.

Bulletproof…now with head protection

“I don’t want to hear any of this bullshit about it not being the job of a teacher to defend my kids against one of these school shooters,” Bucky Sullivan said shaking his head. “If they can teach about Sally having two dads they can learn how to effectively handle a goddamn AR-15. We have to defend 2nd Amendment rights and freedom and it can’t just be patriots like my family. We all have to do our share, the police, the schools, even the teachers.”

The school security business in the United States has grown to a 2.7 billion dollar industry and that’s before factoring in the billions spent on armed security guards—the good guys with the guns.