Punk Rocker Heartbroken To See Old Mates All Cowboyed Up For Garth Brooks Concert

Frankie Lumen

Orchard Park, N.Y.—Frankie Lumen opened up his social media accounts early Sunday morning and was heartbroken to see pics of some of his old mates all cowboyed up at the Garth Brooks show. Seeing the pics from Highmark Stadium concert last Saturday night Lumen also understood why his friends didn’t respond to his texts about attending the Rage Against The Machine show this week at the KeyBank Center.

“It really sucked seeing Luggy, Sanko and Zoey leaning against that pickup so cliched in their fucking cowboy hats sipping PBR’s, said Lumen pouring a bit of Jack Daniels into his morning coffee. “I mean, we chewed broken glass together at a Dead Kennedys show. We took turns spitting on Iggy Pop.. It was glorious. We were going to change the fucking world.” 


Lumen didn’t literally mean change the world, but he and his friends were going stand for something, they were going to be titans of tenacity, purveyors of probity, they were going to stand tall against all this American consumerist bullshit—the air purifiers, smart scales and instapots, the anti-depressants, the supplements and essential oils and most especially all the fucking Kylie Jenners, Mark Wahlbergs and Garth Brooks’ of the world. But to his friends it was just a game.

“Frankie needs to lighten up,” his old friend Zoey said. “It’s ridiculous to be the age we are and still care about all this shit. I’m tired of thinking. I just want to go to garage sales and HomeGoods and then have lunch at Denny’s. From there it’s a few Whitelaw’s and a Christmas in July movie on the Hallmark Channel. What could be better?”

Zoey went on to explain—probably much to Frankie’s chagrin—that she, Luggy and Sanko had just bought into Jimmy Buffett’s Margaritaville condos in Daytona Beach. “We’re going to eat cheeseburgers in paradise all day everyday listening to Kenny Chesney and Garth and not think or stress about anything. We’re going to wear Harley Davidson tees, get tattoos and just be dumb old white people.” 

The Clash- Clampdown

Even more painful for Lumen was the fact he was just thinking about getting the old crew back together to celebrate what would have been the Clash’s, Joe Strummer’s 70th birthday coming up on August 21. He was hoping to get a big showing down at Mohawk Place, but now will probably attend the Straight To Hell celebration in Queens with some like minded people who still give a fuck.