World Agrees: United States Is A Shithole Country

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Planet Earth—In January of 2018 President Trump referred to several struggling nations as “shithole countries” during a bipartisan meeting on immigration reform with U.S. Senate members.  The events of this week, which saw Trump along with Senate enablers Ted Cruz and Josh Hawley, incite a crowd of the President’s supporters to overrun the Capitol Building has produced a swift and unambiguous response from around the world—the United States is a “shithole country.”

Through an interpreter Lu Kim, a starving North Korean miner said: “Ha ha ha . . . America suck. Our dear leader start bombing very soon. Kill stupid capitalist dogs so easily deceived by orange Satan . . . ha ha ha.” 

Taro McCarron, starter at Honiara Golf Course, Guadalcanal, Solomon Islands: “Sixteen hundred American men lost their lives here during World War II defending freedom on this island and now white, delusional followers of a conman game show host storm the Capitol. How far the mighty have fallen. The U.S, is a shithole”    

Mhulude Moete

Mohulude Moete a hunter-gatherer in Botswana, Africa pointed to his ass and said the words “United States” and then held his nose as if fending off some offensive smell. He then proceeded to walk about extending his belly as if he had a big stomach while making hand gestures reminiscent of Donald Trump and said the word, “Sad.”

Mohammed Ahmed, former Egyptian political prisoner said: “In 1986, Hosni Mubarak send me to jails twenty-years for going into streets for higher pay. Little baby Americans cry over wearing mask and losing election—waaa. Fuck U.S. U.S. a Shithole.”

Samentha Rigoli a displaced Haitian spinach farmer said “Ha ha shithole America. Karma a bitch.” 

Garth Preminger a Kingston, Ontario freelance Zamboni operator said: “Yeah, me and the boys would borrow my dad’s car and go to the bars in the States on the weekend to test our mettle, eh. We especially liked going to those Irish joints in South Buffalo. Lots of action there, eh. We always thought those boys were crazy, but crazy in a good, fun kind of way eh. Not in a way that they’d support that donut eating fuck Donald Trump and his stupid fucking conspiracies. Hate to say it—and it won’t ever be as fun as it once was—but straight up , the U.S. is a shithole, eh.”

President Trump is slated to turn over the “shithole” to Joe Biden on January 20th at noon, unless he can come up with a way to keep it for himself or he blows it up.

About P.A. Kane

Writer and payer of tuition.

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