Lackawanna, NY—Recently, Tommy Tinsel, a CSX train engineer, has been observing the barking patterns of his dog, Kaya Francis Bean. Since his wife of sixteen years, Terri, left him for a younger, more sensitive man who understands her wants and needs and enthusiastically engages in her Gilmore Girls obsession, Tinsel has been solely responsible for the care and well-being of their forty-nine-pound Jack Russell mix.
Prior to the breakup of his marriage, Tinsel played a secondary role in Kaya’s life because of his busy work schedule and due to the inordinate amount time in his garage trying to aviod his wife. Terri has vowed to crush him financially and eventually get custody of Kaya, but in the meantime, the dog has been Tinsel’s respnsibility. And, over the last several months has formed a tight bond with the dog, taking her on long, joyful off-leash walks at South Park Lake and Spraguebrook Park.
In addition to the walks, Tinsel has been monitoring Kaya’s behaviors when he lets her in the yard of his Lackawanna home. Tinsel reports that Kaya often wants to be let out to relieve herself, but just as often, she bounces all over the yard, barking up at the sky at nothing. Kaya is generally pretty chill, unless you’re a rabbit or squirrel at South Park Lake, but after a round of barking at nothing she is serene and all Zen-like, according to Tinsel.
“I know it sounds stupid, but when I bring her in, she sits with patient, peaceful eyes as her tail wags in a placid rhythm, waiting on her bacon treat. After that, she’ll sidle up to me on the couch and stare at me with those eyes as if beckoning me to go into the yard and bark my truth up to the sky. I blew it off at first, but I don’t know—the pull of her eyes was so strong that I went out in the yard and did start to bark my truth, and it has been so great for my mental health.”
Tinsel noted a lot of what he barks about is Terri, and her bullshit Gilmore Girls, thing. Pacing around the yard, accompanied by Kaya, he’ll throw his arms up in the air and yell at the sky that he doesn’t give a fuck if Lorelai and Luke will ever be happy and that he doesn’t give a shit if Rory tells Logan she’s pregnant with his rich, waspy, tax avoiding, little fucking demon spawn. He also yells about an old girlfriend, Dawn Diller, who used to make fun of his skinny calves and teased that he played choo-choo and wasn’t a real engineer. Usually, his complaints about Diller manifest when he is thick with bourbon and does nothing for his mental health.
But expressing other frustrations has really eased his mind and brought him peace. Just this week, he screamed about Bills coach Sean McDermott’s horseshit clock management skills, Kevyn Adams’s stupid press conference, and the dumb way he spells his name—Kevyn instead of Kevin. He also bitched about paying twenty-two dollas for two sandwiches and an order of fries at Wendy’s; the fucking speed bumps on residential streets in the city of Buffalo; and the Aldi cashier who won’t give him the time of day no matter how many times he compliments on her scanning speed and her expert placement of his items in the cart.
And though his wife is coming for his bank account and there will be more Kevyn Adamns press conferences, Tinsel is grateful for his dog Kaya and the temporary peace he has brought to his life, barking to the void.
