Buffalo, NY—Joey From Ladner Street (AKA—Crackhead Joey) has emerged this week as a potential witness for the House Oversight Committee investigating Hunter Biden and the Biden family. The committee is chaired by Republican James Comer of Kentucky, a man who’s never fulfilled one new-year’s promise and is swathed in a cologne that is eerily reminiscent of Black Velvet. Comer turned to Crackhead Joey after Israeli-American informant Gal Luft, went missing much like rational thought is missing from the Republican party.
Prior to his disappearance Luft was indicted for trying to broker a deal to sell arms to Iran and for acting as an unregistered Chinese agent. Nevertheless, committee members and MAGA Republicans wanted to hear from Luft. Also, without a shred of evidence and crying “no fair” like a group of ten-year old boys who just lost a street hockey game, Comer and MAGA Republicans have accused the Department of Justice and the FBI of disappearing Luft on orders from Biden.
In 2017 Crackhead Joey had a chance encounter with Hunter Biden where he both agreed to orally gratify and pay the future President’s son one billion dollars for a much needed hits on his crack pipe. “I was with this chick, I think her name was Debbie. She stole a big bag of rock and a Subaru from her old man and we had a plan to go to Florida to get clean and start over. Well, things got all screwed up and we somehow ended up in Delaware. I lost track of Debbie, but found this party—I’m pretty good at finding parties. I was in rough shape and this guy named Hunter was there and he seemed to have an endless supply of shit which he was willing to share as long as you signed an IOU,” Joey said, clutching two crumpled pieces of paper.
Those two crumpled pieces of paper were among Joey’s possessions when he was arrested two days later trying to fence several stolen bikes. After doing a bit of time Joey is back in Western New York trying to walk the straight and narrow. He said he kept the IOUs because deep down he’s a stand up guy. “Though I’m just a lowly crackhead, I’m also a patriot and I thought it was only right to come forward to expose elites like Hunter Biden who prey on guys like me. I’ve been in these predicaments before and I know someday he’s going to try and collect and I ain’t ever going to blow a guy again—not that there’s anything wrong with blowing a guy. It just ain’t for me”
With these notes Comer and his committee now have a paper trail and plan to hold hearings in the near future and to expose the depravity and corruption of Hunter Biden in their pursuit to make America great again.