Retired FedEx Worker Plans To Reinvent Himself As A Right Wing Troll


Elma, NY—Feigning like he didn’t just unload the silent but deadly mustard gas during the group photo with his former FedEx co-workers, Mark McBovine sees his post work life taking a turn toward being a right-wing troll. McBovine, whose time at FedEx was marked by never ending submission to his corporate masters believes after nearly forty-years of service he’s earned the right to play a little offense—to throw a few punches rather than always take them. 

“Besides being a doormat at work, anybody who knows me also knows my balls have been residing in the darkness of my wife’s purse for the entire time we’ve been married. That’s definitely not going to change, but this new thing where I can troll and own libtards is sure going to feel good,” McBovine said.

Former co-worker P.A.Kane, the 1.5 millionth ranked most popular Amazon author thinks McBovine’s trolling aspirations are a great idea. “Mark would be a fabulous right wing troll. He’s never read a book, he’s not clever, his media literacy is non-existent and most of all he craves attention. I can so see him on Mark Poloncarz’s Twitter page telling the County Executive to stick something where the sun doesn’t shine or instructing one of these moony snowflakes: Do your research . . .


To start out McBovine plans to focus on Hunter Biden. With no real understanding of history or policy McBovine feels a baby step toward becoming a real troll would be to kick at the President though his son, who has a history of suspect business practices and drug abuse. But tying Hunter Biden and his shady deals to the President, despite a lack of evidence, is not really the point according to McBovine. “The point of trolling is to be an asshole. Who cares what Hunter Biden did or didn’t do, I just want to own Brandon and all the cuck dummycrats. I mean, what would be better than sticking your thumb in the eye of a goody-two-shoes like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who wants to do hard things like address climate change and social inequities. Who the hell does AOC think she is—JFK?”   

McBovine hopes to use Hunter Biden as a springboard to engage in other hot button issues like “woke culture” and CRT—Critical Race Theory. He’s not exactly sure what either is, but if Trump and Meatball Ron are against them—so is he. “You know, all this “woke” stuff is just another ploy by the commiecrats meant to make old white guys like me feel bad about waking up fifty times a night to pee and then having to nap all day long. And CRT is some bullshit about preventing school age children from learning about the NASCAR racing strategy. What’s more American than naps and NASCA? Nothing—and I’m not having it bitches.” 

While McBovine is coming for all the Obama loving, kale eating, podcast listening, George Soros handout getting dumbocrats he asks that you engage him mono on mono because If his wife finds out he’s vying for attention and trying to have a personality of his own she’ll move his balls from her purse proper to her change purse with all those hard edged pennies and dimes.