Buffalo, NY—For the tenth consecutive Buffalo City Hall was named Phallic Structure of the Year by Architectural Digest. The 1931, thirty-two story Art Deco building was designed by architects John Wade and George Dietel with friezes sculpted by Albert Stewart and executed by Rene Paul Chamberlin. The nearly century old building remains the hub of city business and is Western New York’s most recognizable symbol.
After once again thanking the judges at Architectural Digest, Mayor Byron Brown opined, “As other structures go limp with time or need artificial stimulation to remain vertical, there on the shores of Lake Erie, Buffalo City Hall stands hard, erect and ready to service this great town and the hearty, cocksure people who inhabit it. Despite the never ending challenges from the weather or a deficit of attention this great structure never shrinks from any task and is a beacon of the region’s strength and virility.
Local residents had various reactions to the honor:
William Gallagher, a Buffalo school teacher was not impressed, “This thing’s a farce. Everyone knows the biggest dick in Buffalo is Carl Paladino.”
Activist Leeza Stromet of WAPS (Women Against Phallic Structures) had this to say: “For nearly a century this giant apparatus has loomed on the Buffalo skyline terrorizing the women of the region. It is an enduring symbol of a male dominated past and needs to be torn down and replaced with a less gender specific structure. Our organization has written testimony from thousands of women who feel intimidated and threatened by this building. Some went so far to say that when they’re downtown they feel like they are being followed by a giant cock. This relic of the past needs to come down now.”
Donna Kane, an abstract artist and the wife of local author P.A. Kane, Written In The Stars: The Book Of Molly had a more personal reaction, “When I’m downtown and I look up at City Hall, I must say it usually fills me with a sense of regret. It’s probably not fair to look back like this, but had I been mature enough to think through what a lifetime with such a tiny and ineffectual Irish boy might mean, I might have made some different choices.”
The editors at Architectural Digest admitted there was some controversy surrounding this year’s poll. Overwhelmingly, the nearly three thousand architects from around the country chose Donald Trump as the Phallic Symbol of the Year. A statement released by chief editor Morris Lansing said: “While we recognize how some might conclude Donald Trump is a giant orange phallus, he does not meet the criteria to be considered for this honor. To receive consideration a structure must be composed of inanimate components such as steel and concrete, not diet Cokes, McRibs, tiresome self-importance and boundless hate.”
