Buffalo, NY—Maria Herculano, a forty year old Dietician recently started to openly complain that her four year relationship with boyfriend Paul Richardson, a forty-two year old Optical Lab Equipment salesman, had gotten stale and monotonous. Arriving home from work one night last week Herculano was excited and pleased to find a new oblong gadget sitting atop her live in boyfriend’s dresser. Engaging the power switch the vibrating whir of the gadget not only produced a rush of warmth throughout her body, but also transported her back to the Little Tomahawk—the device that got her through her lean teen years when the dates were spotty, but the desire great.
Gratified her boyfriend had responded to her appeals and full of anticipation she opened a big bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and baked a nice ziti, but when Richardson arrived home she barely could contain herself and dragged him right to their bedroom, kissed him fully on the mouth and taking the device from the dresser said, “First, you do me, then I’ll do you.”
He looked curiously at her, bending to get a peek up her nose, then to the side, checking out her ears and said, “Okay, but everything already seems pretty tight on you.”
He walked her to the bathroom where the light was better and sat her down on the seat of the toilet. Confused, but willing to be led, Herculano followed along and instantly, her red hot desire turned to embarrassment, when Richardson got on his knees, popped the cap off the gadget and proceeded to clip the microscopic bits of hair from her ears and then her nose. 
Done in a flash they switched positions and looking at the furry mess that was Richardson, she felt herself die a little inside. She poured herself another glass of wine and proceeded clear out his ears and nose, as if she was cleaning out gutters full of leaves like she did with her dad when she was a kid.
From there she sculpted his eyebrows then shaved his face and neck with a razor. Into her third wine she pulled his shirt and pants off and getting the full size trimmer from the bathroom closet became totally committed to this project while he casually read the paper.
The hours long process had energized her desire again and when she was done she stood Richardson up, ran her hands all over his freshly groomed body only to be rebuffed with a, “Got a big day to tomorrow.”
After sweeping up the bathroom floor, Herculano logged into her Amazon account and ordered the ten inch, Tomahawk Thunder and then cried herself to sleep.
