Buffalo Mud 2020 Election Special:THIS TIME AROUND, CAN YOU TRUST THE POLES?

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Buffalo, NY— You’ve heard it for four years: “How could the Poles have been  so wrong?”  “I thought the Poles were scientific and reliable?” “I’ll never trust the Poles again!”

2016 made a lot of people feel betrayed by the Poles. Some of us swore to never even look at a Pole again. But is that an overreaction? To figure that out, I needed to interview some of the REAL blue-collar folk who have their fingers on the pulse of this election. I put on my investigative hat and went out to Broadway-Filmore where I hoped to get some hard facts about local poles.

You can watch the full piece tonight at 11, but here are a few highlights:

Bogdan Kowalski – “The Poles were NOT wrong in 2016; people just didn’t know how to read them. Poles can be tricky to understand. In fact sixty percent of Poles have a significant margin of error. Last night I thought my wife was showing approval for some late night sausage tucking. She was not.”

Adam Wójcik – “There are a lot of fake Poles out there. You know, Poles that just say whatever the lamestream media wants them to say. It’s not always easy to spot an authentic Pole. Unless you see them in the shower, if you catch my drift.”

Len Kasprzak – “It’s these kids nowadays, they never say what they mean. Back when I was young you could trust the Poles no matter what. If they said that middle-aged chimney sweeps were voting for Hoover, you could take that to the bank!”

Lucasz Ostrowski – “Did Lena put you up to this? You know what a cold November wind can do to a pole??”

Later in the evening I made my way to Kasper Gorski’s Gentlemens Club “Poles on Poles” to talk with the owner about how he saw 2020 playing out. “We have too many polls these days. Back when I was a child in Warsaw, they released a poll about Poles maybe twice a year. Now every three days there’s a new poll!” I glanced toward his employees and mentioned that poles could be slippery things, at which point he asked me to leave. (Out in the parking lot one of his patrons offered to show me a pole he pays a lot of attention to; while it didn’t do much to shed light on next Tuesday, it was quite impressive.)

While the Poles are admittedly all over the place, there’s two things they agreed on: (1) a minimum of 1000 Poles are needed for accuracy in any polling group, and (2) get your ass to Wisconsin.

By David P. Zach– Senior Mud Contributor

About P.A. Kane

Writer and payer of tuition.

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