Cheektowaga, NY—The life of Ostanti Grosz, an overnight manager at the Union Road, Storage Plus, has changed in a big way since the onset of the Covid 19. Prior to the crisis the socially awkward Grosz had difficulty connecting with people, but now with social distancing and mask orders in place the forty-two year old Cheektowaga native is thriving.
“I’ve always just been kind of weird and nervous,” Grosz said from his home on Vern Lane. “Every time I’d greet a woman with a hug, her boob would somehow end up in my hand. Every time I’d try to kiss someone hello my tongue would end up in their mouth. Do you know what it’s like to french kiss your grandpa? Yeah, it’s a weird sickening mess, that’s what it is.”
These disastrous interactions have sapped Grosz’s confidence and his willingness to participate in life, leaving him with little more than his lonely job at Storage Plus and on-line gaming. But the pandemic has provided new opportunities for Grosz. Without the pressure to shake hands or interpret facial expressions he has taken chances and been more adventurous.
So much so, Laura, the Aldi’s cashier with the sexy crooked teeth and the Blondie tattoo, started to talk to him. Though she’s been checking his grocery’s for years she never really noticed him, but with his mask on she saw that he had pretty eyes and told him so. The next time she checked him out Grosz clumsily asked her out.
Their first date consisted of getting tested for Covid at the drive thru site in the Key Bank Center. After they had their noses swabbed, they shared a socially distanced coffee sitting on the hood of Laura’s car. Grosz, of course, spilled his double double and then fell off the hood onto the brick pavement. But rather than his ineptness being a deal breaker, Laura found his nervousness rather adorable. They consummated the relationship when their test results came back negative.
From that moment on Grosz seemed to be imbued with a certain charisma, He stood taller, walked with authority and used his pretty eyes like tractor beams to draw women from Delta Sonic and Kohl’s into his orbit. The constant juggling and love making with three women has left Grosz happily exhausted and depleted of vital nutrients. Not so much though that he hasn’t pursued new areas of interest.
With his surging vitality Grosz has taken several on-line classes and now can speak Portuguese and Mandarin Chinese. He can solve a Rubik’s cube in seconds and is studying to be a concert pianist. He’s up for a new position at Storage Plus and is going to be the face of all promotional materials going forward.
In a low ambivalent voice Grosz whispered, “I know it’s selfish, but I hope this goddamn pandemic never ends.”