Cleveland, Ohio—Like in the early 1990’s on the X-Files when deep state actors prevented the Buffalo Bills from ever winning the Super Bowl, a leaked email exchange between outgoing chairman of the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Foundation, Jann Wenner and incoming chairman John Sykes reveals singer, songwriter, producer, engineer and person who can play just about every musical instrument known to man, Todd Rundgren will never be inducted as a member of the Rock Hall.
In the emails, Wenner, agreed to hand off his position to Sykes only after he received assurances that self-proclaimed wizard, not the nauseating Charlie Sheehan kind of wizard, but a real wizard like Rundgren would never gain entrance into the hall.
John . . . You’ll have my support with a guarantee that you’ll do everything in your power to block that so called wizard, Todd Rundgren from ever getting in. I mean, who the hell throws his audience away time and time again to follow his muse? And, just what the fuck was a “keyboard computer” on his 1975 album, Initiation. I never got a straight answer on that.
Hello Jann . . . If I were to get this position I would push to diversify the rock hall to include a bigger cross-section of artists, which you have done with acts like Abba and Donna Summer. I’ll shoot for artists like Whitney Huston and Lionel Ritchie and avoid those legacies like Rundgren and that flute-playing bastard, Ian Anderson. Rundgren would have to die of a drug overdose or in a spectacular car crash before he would ever get in under my watch.
Once the emails became public there was a flurry of direct messaging among Rundgren fans, who have been upset for years over the continued snub. At first, fans toyed with the idea of doing a big, overproduced 1970’s style act where Rundgren, known for his interest in mysticism, would transition out of this life after ingesting a bad dose of ayahuasca. Then, after three days the artist, who has heard chants of Todd is God throughout his career, would rise like a phoenix or some other historical figure and assume his place in the rock hall.
After coming down from the bong and vape hits, more realistic fans pointed out the logistical problems of trying to plant such a conspiracy and decided instead on a car crash. They would find an agreed upon crash and get it trending in the news and throughout social media prior to the announcement of 2021 rock hall inductees. Once the rumors of Rundgren’s crash—90 in a 30 while listening to the Song of the Viking—gains momentum Sykes will be forced to include him in the 2021 class. The so called, expert board and fan vote will be jettisoned like it is every year and Rundgren will take his place among the luminaries of rock.
For his part, Rundgren, who has a big tour and a new record coming out this year, has consistently said: don’t want, don’t need, don’t care about Wenner, Sykes or the rock hall.
Instead, he will be doing what he always does: