Buffalo,NY—Buffalo Bishop Richard J. Malone was named Narcissist of the Year by the National Association of Narcissists of the United States (NANUS). After several rounds of voting where NANUS members reflexively chose themselves for the honor, a third party arbitrator was called in and found that Bishop Malone was the consistent second choice among all voters. Voters noted Malone’s stunning disregard for others as he sought to preserve his status and position as Bishop of the Diocese of Buffalo.
Guy D. Snodengrass, a founding member of NANUS, while talking endlessly about his trophy wife’s new surgically enhanced ass and a recently purchased boat, sprinkled in a few comments about Bishop Malone. “Oh yes, Bishop Malone,” he said with a wave of his hand. “The good Bishop is truly an inspiration to all NANUS members. Time after time when was confronted with situations where he was obliged to look out for community members— some say the most vulnerable in the community—he chose to protect himself and the institution he represents. Such self-absorption is remarkable.”
Junior member Talty Kornbluff, who went on and on about his own raising NANUS status said the case of Bishop Malone will be studied and written about by coming generations of narcissists. “Just think about it,” said a gleeful Kornbluff, “his two closest aides turned over mountains of damaging evidence showing how Bishop Malone protected pedophile priests and himself, yet he continues to strut around in silken robes with that staff and miter hat as if he were some kind of medieval king. Let’s be clear, the bodies of raped and molested kids pile up like dead fish on the shore after a natural disaster, and what is Bishop Malone’s response? He brazenly says he’s been transparent and followed guidelines set forth in Dallas in 2002, after the Boston scandal and cover-up, despite audio tapes and documents that say otherwise. And now, even as he targets those who exposed him, he tries to present himself as the victim. He’s such an inspiration to NANUS members and narcissists everywhere.”
News of Bishop Malone being honored as Narcissist of the Year has produced mix reactions throughout Western New York:
Stefan Mychajliw (Erie County Comptroller), “I got ripped off, I should have won that. Wait, what’s a narcissist? It’s a guy with sleep issues who owns liberals, right?”
Dom Wakahayee (Managing Editor- WNY Pacifists ), “Look, I could excoriate Malone and Catholics till my tongue and teeth turn to dust, but where would that get us? Instead, whenever the question comes up, I just tell those Catholics to throw out their Bible and listen to John Prine.”
P.A.Kane (Local Author), Yeah, Jesus died on the cross so old white men could live in mansions and wear stupid pointy hats while their acolyte’s prey on and destroy innocent children. Disgusting.”
Bishop Malone will be presented the gold embossed mirror at a ceremony later this month.