Marine Drive Dog Out To Pee Accidentally Runs Buffalo Half Marathon And Places Fifth


Buffalo, NY—A four-year old bloodhound named Klondike was out for his morning pee when he accidently caught on with runners along the Marine Drive stretch of the Buffalo Half Marathon. The normally sedate hound completed the race in 1:25:56, which was good enough for fifth place.

Klondike, may have placed even higher if he hadn’t become preoccupied with the ice cream cone of a small girl watching the race on Maryland Street, a dead rabbit on Porter Avenue and a group of boys playing hacky sack near Allen Street.

Though assuring his mom he didn’t need—no stinkin leash, Aiden Messingham, a ninth grader at Hutch-Tech and a resident of the Marine Drive Apartments lost track of Klondike while trying to convince his former girlfriend, Madison Givealittle via text message that when she caught him making out with Haley Hammerdon by the stoner tree, with his hands all over her ass, it was a one time thing and it was she who he still really really loved. When he looked up from his phone after making his plea the Klondike was gone.  

Aiden Messingham

While most runners welcomed Klondike to the race sixth place finisher, Borges Framingham was not thrilled. “After placing seventh last year I dedicated myself to breaking the top five this year. I worked really hard and it pisses me off that I got edged out by a stupid bloodhound.”

Colleen Messingham, Aiden’s mom, was out looking for Klondike when she got a call from race officials saying he was safe and was at the race after party enjoying the notoriety from his fifth place finish. Learning about what had transpired throughout the day she said, “Who knew he could do anything other than sleep, shit and steal your sandwich when you weren’t looking.”


Seeing how happy Klondike was with the post-race attention, Colleen Messingham was rethinking how her hound might interact with the world and was open to the idea of doggie play dates and dog parks. While questions remained about Klondike after his whirlwind day, one thing was for sure—Madison wasn’t having any of Aiden’s stinky ass cheating bullshit and didn’t care if he really really loved her. Since their split she caught on with a boy from City Honors who was into European football and the films of anime master Hayao Miyazaki.   

About P.A. Kane

Writer and payer of tuition.

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