Despite Size And Lack Of Sex Parts A Dog Is Still A Dog


Orchard Park, NY—Despite less than robust size, and a lack of sex parts the Buckclap family of Orchard Park constantly has to physically dismount their three year old male Scotty, Cooper from their eleven year old dog of the same breed, Bella.

“We’ve tried everything,” said Magdalene Buckclap, “the sitting method, the timeout method, acupuncture, prozac. We’ve isolated him, had controlled playdates. At one point I was so frustrated I even tried reading Betty Friedan’s, The Feminine Mystique, to both of them, but so far nothing has worked.”

The Buckclap’s vet said typically these behaviors are the result of some type of stress in the dog’s life, but cautioned there are no easy answers, since every dog is different with different pressure points and psychologies.  The vet also didn’t rule out that there could be some underlying medical causes that leads to this type of negative attention seeking behavior.

Harold Buckclap wasn’t buying any of it. “That dog has the best of everything—medical treatment, a gourmet diet, a big yard. We take him on long walks, he has play dates and we give him a ton of attention. He flies around here, tearing shit up like a KING. And like all kings he thinks he can mount any old thing he wants. In other words, Cooper is just a dog being a dog.

For her part, Bella seems to tolerate Cooper’s advances with a certain amount of boredom. “Not to be crude,” said Magdalene, “but the look on Bella’s face is that of detachment—a sort of, oh this again.” Then turning to Harold, Magdaline said, “I think I know exactly how she feels.”

The Buckclap’s will continue to seek remedies for this Cooper’s negative behaviors.          

About P.A. Kane

Writer and payer of tuition.

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