The show’s narrative will see Kane as an aging but resplendent lifeguard who both patrols the beach and distills emotional support to rich, empty Malibu housewives and their mothers. He’ll remind these ladies they are more than their boob jobs and the Botox that puffs up their lips. He’ll set up the grandma’s umbrellas and offer them a kind hand up from beach chairs. He’ll also reassure them Papa’s floppy erectile dysfunction is his problem and his problem alone. Mostly, in the breezy California sunshine he’ll sing their praises and remind them they are good and worthy of love. And, of course, if they forget or misplace their sunscreen—he’ll always have a tube of creamy SPF50 handy.

Co-starring with Kane will be the totally awesome and equally resplendent 80’s supermodel Paulina Porizkova. She’ll run a taco stand on the beach and lean on Kane, the 1.5 millionth ranked most popular Amazon author, as she continues to heal from the dissolution of her marriage to former Cars frontman Ric Ocasek, who had written her out of his will a few months prior to his death in 2019.

Kane is unsure about the story arc with Porizkova, but given the abundance of resplendeness between them the chemistry should be a fine mix of blue skies and sunshine with the occasional dose of thunder. Kane said, “It’ll be the kind of alchemy that will cause eyes to grow big and jaws to drop, like when Julia Roberts lost her mind and married Lyle Lovett.”

Readers of Buffalo Mud will also recall that Kane was tapped to play the role of Mitch Buchannon, in the original 1989 series. The part eventually went to David Hasselhoff , because producers, according to Kane, were shallow and shortsighted. After rejecting various storylines he developed, including one that incorporated T.S, Elliott’s “The Waste Land,” he stepped away from the project citing irreconcilable artistic differences.

Separated by three decades since the original Kane is neither young nor idealistic anymore. “I just want to have fun,” he said.  “And I want to bring the hairy back. I was tapped to be the first “Golden Bachelor,” but turned it down because my hairy gloriousness would have been muted or worse, manscaped away by producers. Yeah, myself and Ryan Fitzpatrick, we’re going to bring back the hairy to the culture.”

Episodes written thus far include: Nana’s Sexy Two-Piece; Irene Gets Thumped; Blisters Everywhere; P.A. and Paulina’s Crazy Tequila Night; Birdie’s Broken Hip; Mystery Shits Fouling The Beach; Another Crab Story; Betty’s Brand New Double D’s . . . and others.

Kane isn’t sure how long he’ll be away from Buffalo Mud but emphasized his leave is temporary and he’ll return as soon as possible to again provide readers with the best in lean, antibiotic free, environmentally friendly fake news/satire. He is grateful for all the support he has received through the years. 

The post Local Author Taking Temporary Leave To Pursue “Baywatch Silver” Project appeared first on buffalomud.com.

 Matt Dryflout, founder and CEO of Groitproud, a group that advocates for hairy man causes noted today’s men are made to feel ashamed of their body hair and recalled that, “There was a time when Burt Reynolds and Tom Selleck and their hairy chests were considered the epitome of sexiness in this country. Now sexy is a perfectly manscaped Harry Styles in culottes and pumps. This has caused a great deal of pain and confusion among hairy men and men, but that’s about to change. Just as he sparked all those fourth quarter comebacks Fitzmagic is about to spark a movement—a spectacular furry, unshaven movement.”

For his part Fitzpatrick has been fascinated with hair, especially body hair, for as long as he can remember. He said, “I don’t know, it started when I was able to trace changes in my body aroma to my armpits, which were pretty hairy at a young age. It was an odd, funky smell, but I really liked it and would fall asleep with my nose in my pit. But I became really interested when my pelvic region filled in. This one day I was down there digging around and all of the sudden I unfurl this one curly fry and it’s like thirteen goddamn inches long. It was the most amazing thing I ever saw.”

Fitzpatrick is in the brainstorming phase of the process and is reaching out to other hairy man groups for guidance to see where his advocacy would be most effective. Especially helpful have been “Bear” groups. Bears have a large global presence and are identified as big, hairy, gay, bisexual and queer (GBQ) men. Bears try to emulate a traditional male look and support values such as assertiveness, leadership and strength.

“Just because we dream of fillating Nick Offerman doesn’t mean we’re not men,” said noted Bear advocate Philip Wolff. “We are and we will set you and your unrealized hairy potential free.”

While noting the irony of reaching out to a gay group to help men find themselves Fitzpatrick said, “Just shows how we’ve lost our way.” Fitzmagic went on to say he dreams of a day when not only more beards cover the faces, but when men are no longer afraid or ashamed to unbutton or take off their shirts and reveal the glorious furry beasts they were meant to be. 

Fitzpatrick said he expects to have a funding source and a DBA in the near future.        

The post Former Bills Quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick To Advocate For “Hairy Man” Causes In Retirement appeared first on buffalomud.com.