The show’s narrative will see Kane as an aging but resplendent lifeguard who both patrols the beach and distills emotional support to rich, empty Malibu housewives and their mothers. He’ll remind these ladies they are more than their boob jobs and the Botox that puffs up their lips. He’ll set up the grandma’s umbrellas and offer them a kind hand up from beach chairs. He’ll also reassure them Papa’s floppy erectile dysfunction is his problem and his problem alone. Mostly, in the breezy California sunshine he’ll sing their praises and remind them they are good and worthy of love. And, of course, if they forget or misplace their sunscreen—he’ll always have a tube of creamy SPF50 handy.

Co-starring with Kane will be the totally awesome and equally resplendent 80’s supermodel Paulina Porizkova. She’ll run a taco stand on the beach and lean on Kane, the 1.5 millionth ranked most popular Amazon author, as she continues to heal from the dissolution of her marriage to former Cars frontman Ric Ocasek, who had written her out of his will a few months prior to his death in 2019.

Kane is unsure about the story arc with Porizkova, but given the abundance of resplendeness between them the chemistry should be a fine mix of blue skies and sunshine with the occasional dose of thunder. Kane said, “It’ll be the kind of alchemy that will cause eyes to grow big and jaws to drop, like when Julia Roberts lost her mind and married Lyle Lovett.”

Readers of Buffalo Mud will also recall that Kane was tapped to play the role of Mitch Buchannon, in the original 1989 series. The part eventually went to David Hasselhoff , because producers, according to Kane, were shallow and shortsighted. After rejecting various storylines he developed, including one that incorporated T.S, Elliott’s “The Waste Land,” he stepped away from the project citing irreconcilable artistic differences.

Separated by three decades since the original Kane is neither young nor idealistic anymore. “I just want to have fun,” he said.  “And I want to bring the hairy back. I was tapped to be the first “Golden Bachelor,” but turned it down because my hairy gloriousness would have been muted or worse, manscaped away by producers. Yeah, myself and Ryan Fitzpatrick, we’re going to bring back the hairy to the culture.”

Episodes written thus far include: Nana’s Sexy Two-Piece; Irene Gets Thumped; Blisters Everywhere; P.A. and Paulina’s Crazy Tequila Night; Birdie’s Broken Hip; Mystery Shits Fouling The Beach; Another Crab Story; Betty’s Brand New Double D’s . . . and others.

Kane isn’t sure how long he’ll be away from Buffalo Mud but emphasized his leave is temporary and he’ll return as soon as possible to again provide readers with the best in lean, antibiotic free, environmentally friendly fake news/satire. He is grateful for all the support he has received through the years. 

The post Local Author Taking Temporary Leave To Pursue “Baywatch Silver” Project appeared first on buffalomud.com.

Buffalo, NY—Local author P.A.Kane (Leaving Jackson Wolf; Written In The Stars:The Book Of Molly) is the subject of a shakedown by an unknown entity threatening to release his Baywatch reel and other images in lieu of a cash payments. Kane was briefly hired in 1989 to play the role of Mitch Buchannon, on the action drama series about lifeguards who patrol the beaches in Los Angeles County. He stepped away from the project in pre-production and was replaced by David Hasselhoff. Since then Kane has become the 1.5 millionth ranked author on Amazon and believes the release of these materials will hurt his brand.

Kane was in Southern California in the late 80’s trying to track down his literary hero Charles Bukowski when he was plucked from obscurity for the Baywatch role. While the show was in pre-production the author developed a treatment of T.S. Eliot’s, The Waste Land for the fledgling series. Also, after finally meeting Bukowski, he sought to incorporate the plight of the homeless drifters living on the beach into the action drama, but was rebuffed by producers. Because of these artistic differences Kane stepped away from the project. Looking back he said, “Instead of trying to make any kind of real impact, the producers wanted the show to be about Pam Anderson running around half-naked on the beach. Why that’s so entertaining I’m not sure. But, rather than compromise my vision I chose to move on.”

Kane fears that releasing his reel and other images will cause people to not take him seriously and will ruin his credibility. “I mean, c’mon- a bandana headband? What am I, a fucking Deadhead? And, the photoshop of me holding a goddamn, fascist Coors Light. I’ve taken extreme care to avoid the the products of that right wing asshole Adolph Coors. Now, because of this doctored image the women at the Resistance Marches are going to think I’m a fraud. This is total bullshit. I look like such an asshole.”

When Kane contacted police to figure out his options, they just laughed at him and said: “Nice bandana, ballbag.”

This year Kane moved up 300K slots- going from the 1.8 to 1.5 millionth ranked author on Amazon. Presently, he has no plans to give in to blackmail demands, but will be watching the rankings and may reassess his position at a later time.

The post Local Author Faces Shakedown Over Baywatch Reel appeared first on buffalomud.com.