It was a dreary Friday in November of 1975, and Dylan was in the midst of the first installment of the Rolling Thunder Revue, which had a stop at the Niagara Falls Convention Center the following night. Kane was in  Parsons & Judd Pharmacy, the drugstore on the corner of his street, with his pal Kevin McNamara. Both were fourteen, and they had just scored a pint of blue raspberry MD2020, and were looking to make themselves even crazier by enhancing the brightly colored wine with Robitussin cough syrup.

Under the watchful eye of old Mrs. Klienschmidt, who pretended to be straightening things up in the candy aisle, Kane and McNamara quietly argued over whether to pay for the Robitussin or steal it. Kane wanted to boost the codeine-laced elixir, while the chickenshit future competitive floater, McNamara, insisted they pay for it. 

Kane reasoned they might have to share their MD2020 with some girls at the park, so they should save their money in case they needed more. But KevvyMac, who the girls were totally allergic to because of his ridiculously long head and his terrible jokes, was afraid they would get caught and get in trouble.

Frustrated with his friend, Kane considered punching McNamara in his seven-foot-long fucking head just when America’s poet laureate came through the front door, looking way too cool for their working-class neighborhood in a stylish scarf, dark sunglasses, unkempt hair, jeans, and a light leather jacket.  

Despite his unconventional appearance, he moved to the counter just like anyone else and waited for old Mrs. Klienschmidt to finish her spying task. Kane turned toward his friend and asked, “Who’s the asshole in the shades?”
McNamara shrugged at first, but when he pushed his sunglasses up on his head, he recognized the wild haired poet, “Whoa—that’s Bob Dylan.” 
“No way,” said Kane in disbelief
“Way, asshole. He’s playing Niagara Falls tomorrow.” McNamara then got in line behind the bard with the Robitussin. 

What happened next kind of knocked Kane out.
Pleasant as can be Dylan says:
‘Two packs of Marlboros.’ Then he hands Mrs. Klienschmidt a dollar.
She replies, kind of annoyed, ‘That’s a dollar twenty.’
‘Oh,’ he says, reaching in his pocket. ‘We just come from Ohio. They were forty cents there.’ 
‘New York taxes,’ Mrs. Klienschmidt responds severely.
Throwing a second dollar on the counter, Dyan says, ‘Give me a third pack and keep the twenty cents. Buy yourself a smile.’

At the park, everyone was blown away with the encounter and Dylan’s line: Buy yourself a smile. The Robitussin-laced MD2020 was a hit as well. All the girls sidled up to Kane and, surprisingly enough, McNamara too. Peggy Ponnapart, who must have been working off a shit ton of bad karma from a previous life, got with longheaded Mac and Kane, ironically enough, paired up with Kelly Klienschmidt, old Mrs. Klienschmidt’s granddaughter.  

Unfortunately, in addition to the Robitussin they bought, Kane did boost the second bottle and double-dosed the MD2020, causing Kelly Klienschmidt to puke all over him just as he was rounding into second base. Meanwhile, sitting on a park bench with McNamara, Peggy Ponnapart dosed off, but not before wrapping her arms around Mac’s giant oblong head and using it as a pillow.

The night didn’t turn out as well as it could have for both Kane and McNamara, but all these years later it’s still a pretty good story and KevMac is still a longheaded asshole.        

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The Friesendorf and Muffs have played Euchre weekly for the last couple of years. They’ve also shared many dinners and concerts and have gone on vacation together. But it wasn’t until the Thursday night Euchre game that any of them had taken the massive step of dropping a number two at the other’s house. 

“That’s big, considering the tragedy at your parent’s house,” Finn said. 

Finn was referring to his unfortunate reaction to some cauliflower bites from the Olive Garden when they first started dating and were out to dinner with Fiona’s parents. The bites, which were discharged in the half-bath off her parent’s family room, left the lower level of the house stinking for three days and resulted in Fiona’s dad calling Finn, Poopypants, until the day he died. Finn could still hear the stinging rebuke—“Poopypants just had to have the eight-dollar cauliflower bites instead of the free breadsticks.” Then he would make an extended flatulent sound, putting his hand over his mouth.

“I know. But there I was with the egg salad and olive wrap I had for lunch taxiing down the runway, and I just took a giant leap and went for it. I told myself, if this goes wrong, our friendship is strong enough that it will survive.”

The following Saturday, after catching a set by the great Niagara Falls cover band The Woodroes at the Griffon Brewery and Gastropub, they stopped at the Friesendorf’s for a nightcap. While sipping their drinks, Fiona giggled and said, “ I have a confession to make.” Finn put up his hand and shook his head not to tell them. “Relax Poopypants, it’ll be fine.” Then she looked at the Muffs directly and told them about the egg salad and olive wrap that left the train station in their bathroom after their Euchre game on Thursday.  

Laughter ensued among both couples, and then Mary reached across the table and put her hand on Fiona’s arm and said, “I appreciate that you had enough faith in our friendship that you felt free to take a shit in my house.” Looking Fiona in the eye, she lingered momentarily and said, “I feel so close to you now.” 

The couples embraced warmly when their drinks were done and it was time to go. Mary again thanked Fiona for her honesty and her faith in their friendship, adding, “I’m glad we got here and I can’t wait to take a shit in your house.” 

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