“Besides being a doormat at work, anybody who knows me also knows my balls have been residing in the darkness of my wife’s purse for the entire time we’ve been married. That’s definitely not going to change, but this new thing where I can troll and own libtards is sure going to feel good,” McBovine said.

Former co-worker P.A.Kane, the 1.5 millionth ranked most popular Amazon author thinks McBovine’s trolling aspirations are a great idea. “Mark would be a fabulous right wing troll. He’s never read a book, he’s not clever, his media literacy is non-existent and most of all he craves attention. I can so see him on Mark Poloncarz’s Twitter page telling the County Executive to stick something where the sun doesn’t shine or instructing one of these moony snowflakes: Do your research . . .

To start out McBovine plans to focus on Hunter Biden. With no real understanding of history or policy McBovine feels a baby step toward becoming a real troll would be to kick at the President though his son, who has a history of suspect business practices and drug abuse. But tying Hunter Biden and his shady deals to the President, despite a lack of evidence, is not really the point according to McBovine. “The point of trolling is to be an asshole. Who cares what Hunter Biden did or didn’t do, I just want to own Brandon and all the cuck dummycrats. I mean, what would be better than sticking your thumb in the eye of a goody-two-shoes like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, who wants to do hard things like address climate change and social inequities. Who the hell does AOC think she is—JFK?”   

McBovine hopes to use Hunter Biden as a springboard to engage in other hot button issues like “woke culture” and CRT—Critical Race Theory. He’s not exactly sure what either is, but if Trump and Meatball Ron are against them—so is he. “You know, all this “woke” stuff is just another ploy by the commiecrats meant to make old white guys like me feel bad about waking up fifty times a night to pee and then having to nap all day long. And CRT is some bullshit about preventing school age children from learning about the NASCAR racing strategy. What’s more American than naps and NASCA? Nothing—and I’m not having it bitches.” 

While McBovine is coming for all the Obama loving, kale eating, podcast listening, George Soros handout getting dumbocrats he asks that you engage him mono on mono because If his wife finds out he’s vying for attention and trying to have a personality of his own she’ll move his balls from her purse proper to her change purse with all those hard edged pennies and dimes.  

The post Retired FedEx Worker Plans To Reinvent Himself As A Right Wing Troll appeared first on buffalomud.com.

Washington D.C.—Tucker Carlson was always in the mix to be Truth Magazine’s: Tool of the Year. This week, however, the FOX host locked up the honor earlier than any past winners for his incredibly insulting, ill conceived and poorly executed lie about having damning Hunter Biden documents, that Opps!—got lost in the mail.

Flander Saltonstall, the managing editor at Truth said of course there are bigger more robust liars than Carlson, like the President, who Carlson is always attempting to prop up, but volume isn’t the only criteria in determining Truth’s Tool of the Year. It’s the audacity of the lie and lack of believability. Saltonstall said, “Our winners are like that kid everyone had in their fifth grade class whose dog ate their homework three times a week, every week for the entire school year. And, said kid, didn’t even have a dog. It’s an incredibly insulting, uncreative lie that shows zero respect for the intelligence of the person being lied to. Obviously, Carlson has zero respect for his FOX audience.”

Carlson was already in the running for the honor as a result of a defamation lawsuit filed by former Playmate model Karen McDougal. McDougal said her reputation had been harmed when Carlson accused her of extorting President Trump after she had an affair with ole mushroom dick. FOX lawyers representing Carlson argued the host engages in exaggeration and hyperbole and Judge Mary Kay Vyskocil, of United States District Court in Manhattan agreed, saying: “Given Mr. Carlson’s reputation, any reasonable viewer [should]arrive with an appropriate amount of skepticism about the host’s on-air comments.” 

In other words the Judge said, Carlson is full of shit and nobody should believe anything he says. This, said Saltonstall, was worthy enough for Tool of the Year honors. But the lost Hunter Biden documents put him over the top.

The damning lost documents, which were on a flash drive, were eventually found and returned to Carlson and guess what, he’s assessing them — the fucking tool.

The post Buffalo Mud 2020 Election Special: Truth Magazine Awards FOX Host Tucker Carlson: Tool of the Year appeared first on buffalomud.com.