Boffleflot, United Kingdom – Ninth Circuit Court has agreed to hear “Tolkien v. Kane”, in which the late author’s estate has sued under the plagiary statute, stating that Kane’s latest work, Leaving Jackson Wolf borrows liberally from the epic novels of Middle-Earth.

Some of the arguments listed in the suit:

McDougal is clearly a hobbit – The new book’s opening line – “McDougal had some pituitary dysfunction bullshit that made him a little runt” – makes it clear that Kane is co-opting Tolkien’s creation of a diminutive, reluctant hero.

Prince’s Blade Gaming = Rivendell – Tolkien describes the Elvish valley of Rivendell as “the last homely house west of the Misty Mountains”, a haven of peace and refuge in a troubled world. (Scholars differ on whether Mike or Denny represents Elrond.)

Jackson’s reading habits – It has long been accepted that The Sound and the Fury was a cheap knock-off of The Lay of Aotrou and Itroun.

Trump/Sauron – The object of Wolf’s father’s devotion, Kane’s grotesque orange specter is often referenced but never actually depicted on page.

Elves/Elvis – Tolkien writes of the Elves in over-the-top, glowing prose – “They are fair of face beyond the measure of men” – yet most of Middle-Earth is privately put off by their holier-than-thou smugness. Plus, their music sucks.

Buffalo or Morder? – “Mists curled and smoked from dark and noisome pools. The air, as it seemed to them, grew harsh, and filled with a bitter reek that caught their breath and parched their mouths.”

The Authors – Tolkien was a middle-aged white man with a penchant for odd headwear and Baked Lays. Sound familiar?

Until the suit is settled, both Barnes & Noble and Sunoco will pull the hardback of Leaving Jackson Wolf from the shelves. Kane has decried the setback as an infringement on his 19th amendment rights. Judges Jeanine Pirro, Andrew Napolitano and Judy have all weighed in, stating that the case appears to be a slam-dunk for the Tolkien Estate. Miramax has snapped up the story rights; filming on the legal thriller will begin this January, with Andy Serkis portraying Kane in a CGI role.

UPDATE – Brett Kavanaugh sent out a drunken tweet daring the 9^th Circuit to send the case up to the United States Supreme Court, where he would “stand up for my man P.A. Kane like bros do.”

The post Not So Fast – Tolkien Estate Files Injunction to Stop Jackson appeared first on buffalomud.com.

Buffalo NY—Senior Buffalo Mud Contributor and Kanye West fixer, David P. Zach drove his 1995 Chrysler LeBaron into a ditch along Ridge Road in Lackawanna early last night. Zach sustained minor injuries to his tiny baby hands and his shallow, self-important ego.

Prior to the accident Zach was questioned by local author and Buffalo Mud publisher, P.A. Kane regarding an anonymous article that appeared in the on-line satire site last week. Rescue workers at the scene noted a loop of Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start The Fire” playing on the car stereo and that Zach responded to all questions with an impersonation of Jack Nicholson’s character from “A Few Good Men,” repeating over and over again: “You can’t handle the truth.” As a precaution Zach was taken to the CPEP (Comprehensive Psychiatric Emergency Program)at the Erie County Medical Center for observation and evaluation.

In a statement to police Kane said Zach was brought into the Buffalo Mud home offices to answer questions relating to the anonymous article and, “One sideways, Vincent D’Onofrio—Criminal Intent—like glance and Zach began to sing like a drunk at a karaoke bar.”

Once Kane identified Zach as the author of the article the Senior Contributor complained bitterly about the direction of Buffalo Mud saying more limericks should be included along with references to nachos, Wang Chung and Elvis Costello. He was incensed as well at Kane’s notion that all it would take to appropriate the attention of  Kill Bill actress, Uma Thurman was to not be a fat, bloated Gary Oldman type, while at the same time threatening to beat the shit out of anyone who looked at her with an unkind eye like a real South Buffalo asshole.

It should be noted that Zach has spent a small fortune on Ninja lessons, hoping to impress Thurman with his sword work and the way he wears a Ninja headband. So far, Zach has been unsuccessful at gaining any traction with the sultry actress despite tagging her across social media with YouTube videos where he prances around with a sword while wearing a stupid headband. Four separate videos have received a total twenty-one views and seven comments. One comment is from his mom saying  “ You look great, honey” and six comments from Cory7125 imploring Zach to kill himself.

Kane speculated that Zach’s erratic behavior is the result of an overzealous sense of self. “I know he often comes off as a clever, self-deprecating guy, who has the ability to restrain the excesses of pop stars like Kanye West, but inside that baby man with tiny baby man hands is a self-important monster.” Kane noted Zach wanted all the credit for Kanye’s recent controversial statement that, “Slavery was a choice,” which really helped the hip-hop artist’s sagging sales among Trump supporters.  Also, according to Kane, Uma Thurman not looking at his  videos is a giant blow to Zach’s ego and  he is tremendously jealous that Kane is the 1.6 million ranked author on Amazon and is overseeing the continuing rise of Buffalo Mud.

“I hope this is the wake up call he needs to get help,” Kane said. “And, if not, we might just as well settle in and enjoy watching him crash and burn.”    

The post Senior Buffalo Mud Contributor Drives Into Lackwanna Ditch appeared first on buffalomud.com.

By : David P. Zach—Senior Mud Contributor—

Wondering if this woman is the one you’re meant to be with? Take our 18 question test and see if you can check “Soul Mate” off your bucket list:

You only take her out for wings once a month, and you usually let her pick the flavor. ADD 5 points

She’ll watch the Bills in preseason, and even the occasional Sabre game. ADD 2 points

She doesn’t ask you to go with her visiting niece to Niagara Falls. ADD 3 points

She does ask her “friend” Rocco to go with her, and it turns out she doesn’t have a niece. SUBTRACT 4 points

Your every-third-day bathing routine sits fine with her. ADD 3 points

Your black French beret does not. SUBTRACT 3 points

You wonder if perhaps it is time to buy new underwear. ADD 4 points

You say, out loud, “what am I some fancy boy?!” and decide to stick with your trusty tighty-whities. SUBTRACT 7 points

When that guy Jim walks by, and she and her friends all sigh and swoon and whisper something that sounds an awful lot like “Dirk Diggler”, you absolutely positively don’t think much anything about it. ADD 10 points

When you mention that you think you’d have a shot with Uma Thurman, and she laughs so hard she loses control off both her bladder and the milk she’s drinking, you absolutely positively don’t get hurt feelings about it. ADD 5 points

She has made it clear your firstborn child together will not be named either “Jim” or “Kelly”. SUBTRACT 5 points

Her religion teaches that Bill Belichick is not a physical manifestation of the dark lord Murgbloth. SUBTRACT 4 points

She does not feel that good people are to be found on both sides of a Nazi/anti-Nazi skirmish. ADD 6 points

She thinks Hiroshima and Nagasaki are, respectively, that take-out place and its delivery guy. SUBTRACT 8 points

She realizes that Elvis Costello’s condescending-twerp act masks an annoying and ludicrously overrated musical history. ADD 15 points

She knows who Gordon Sumner is, and speaks his name with proper reverence. ADD 5 points

Birds suddenly appear one out of every three times that she’s near. ADD 3 points

She makes Karen from Accounting look at you in a whole new light, wondering if perhaps she SHOULD have given you the time of day. ADD 7 points

She’ll pretend she doesn’t smell that. Add 4 points.

Tally the score, and add either your age or your waist size. If the number’s over 2, thank your lucky stars and hold on tight! Next week – Our one-question-quiz to see if you’re ready for bikini season!

The post Is She THE ONE?…The Buffalo Mud Quiz appeared first on buffalomud.com.