Gratified her boyfriend had responded to her appeals and full of anticipation she opened a big bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon and baked a nice ziti, but when Richardson arrived home she barely could contain herself and dragged him right to their bedroom, kissed him fully on the mouth and taking the device from the dresser said, “First, you do me, then I’ll do you.”

He looked curiously at her, bending to get a peek up her nose, then to the side, checking out her ears and said, “Okay, but everything already seems pretty tight on you.”

He walked her to the bathroom where the light was better and sat her down on the seat of the toilet. Confused, but willing to be led, Herculano followed along and instantly, her red hot desire turned to embarrassment, when Richardson got on his knees, popped the cap off the gadget and proceeded to clip the microscopic bits of hair from her ears and then her nose.  

Done in a flash they switched positions and looking at the furry mess that was Richardson, she felt herself die a little inside. She poured herself another glass of wine and proceeded clear out his ears and nose, as if she was cleaning out gutters full of leaves like she did with her dad when she was a kid.

From there she sculpted his eyebrows then shaved his face and neck with a razor. Into her third wine she pulled his shirt and pants off and getting the full size trimmer from the bathroom closet  became totally committed to this project while he casually read the paper.

The hours long process had energized her desire again and when she was done she stood Richardson up, ran her hands all over his freshly groomed body only to be rebuffed with a, “Got a big day to tomorrow.”

After sweeping up the bathroom floor, Herculano logged into her Amazon account and ordered the  ten inch, Tomahawk Thunder and then cried herself to sleep.

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That profile can now also include “liker” of MILF porn after an explicit video depicting an interaction between adult actress Cory Chase, a fictional stepdaughter and a vigorous young man showed up in his Twitter feed. The post has the porn world reeling.

Reached for comment Cory Chase said, “I’m all right with Orrin Hatch, Ben Sass or even Mitch McConnell viewing my work and waxin’ their President Johnson, but Ted Cruz, euuhhh. That guy is a two-faced creep. I’m not sure I can continue in this business. This has really rocked my world .”

Cruz blamed the post on a staffer who made an “honest mistake” and admitted to watching porn only once as a law clerk in the 90’s when the Supreme Court was making a decision on regulating adult industry. As Solicitor General of Texas, he once argued for a ban on sex toys, stating there is: “no substantive due process right to stimulate one’s genitals for non-medical purposes.” It’s an argument credited to and used by @hedicruz to keep the vampirish family values Senator at bay.

Industry actresses are also disturbed by the Cruz revelations. A support group formed by Cherry Poppins released this statement: Members of our community have gathered together and are engaged in a therapeutic process. We are working through the implications of the these revelations and will have further comment when appropriate. Oh, and Ted Cruz… fucking gross.

As industry actresses process the the Cruz developments all porn related productions have come to a grinding halt. Adult film producer Seymour Dix, (Who’s Nalin Palin (Sarah) and Forest Hump) said, “I can’t find anybody to staff my Halloween feature, Night of Giving Head 2017. It’s so bad I’ve had to reach out to my Russian contacts, but they’re unwilling too. They yell some shit at me in Russian, mention Cruz’s name and then start crying. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Cruz could not be reached for comment.  

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