In addition to being a bartending legend, McNamara has worked his way up through the floating ranks to be a world-class practitioner. His unwavering commitment to sloth and sipping cocktails has been instrumental in his rise. People assumed he was just some lazy tosser with an insatiable taste for tequila, but in reality, on those scorching summer days in Charlotte, while his friends, neighbors, and family were retreating to the frosty safety and comfort of air-conditioning, McNamara was in the pool training, honing his skills for the day floating achieves international recognition and possibly a spot in the summer Olympic games.

Though looking like a cross between Angelica Huston and Jughead’s grandfather, some in the floating game have started to refer to him as the Josh Allen of floaters. McNamara says, “The recognition is cool, but this isn’t a game to me. I’ve been at this for some time, and I’ve seen ‘em come and I’ve seen ‘em go—the contenders and the pretenders. These pretenders think they can crack open a fucking High Noon, drop their fat asses into any old waterborne device, and be a floater. Well, let me tell you that’s not only a recipe for failure, but also for cramping and soft-tissue injuries. The floating game requires effort, discipline, and patience.”

With the warmer weather just around the corner in Charlotte, McNamara has been in grind mode. He says one of the keys to being a successful floater is preparation—both mentally and physically. Since January, he has been lying around, ignoring his wife and letting his house go to shit. He has also been watching reruns of The Jeffersons on a loop. “I get inspiration from George and Weezie’s story of movin’ on up. It helps me to mentally prepare for the grind of the floating season.”

Being physically ready is mostly a matter of hydration. Since January, McNamara has been increasing his intake of Gatorade and water, while limiting his tequila consumption. “I go 6:3:1 (six parts Gatorade, three parts water, one part tequila). By the start of floating season in May, my body will be fully prepped, and I’ll be able to turn that around—six parts tequila, three parts water, one part Gatorade, all of which I’ll chase with a shitload of Blue Lights. Once I get my body right, there are no limits to what I might accomplish this floating season.”

McNamara will take a short break over St. Patrick’s Day weekend to visit family and friends in Buffalo. But after that, he will return to Charlotte and resume his strict training regimen.    

The post Buffalo Ex-Patriot Prepping For Grind Of Floating Season appeared first on buffalomud.com.

Orchard Park, NY—Despite solid families, big jobs, vacation homes in Florida and  being the 1.5 millionth ranked Amazon author the  follically-challenged Kane brothers still hurt.

For years there were  the names: Skullet, Ass Head, Mr. Clean and Kojak, and others.. Friends would try to mollify the pain with  Sean Connery and Telly Savalas are hot sanctimony. Maybe in the lunch clubs in London or Greek bingo halls, but if Connery and Kojak were in their mid-twenties with a domes like that and tried to talk to the girls drinking OV Splits at Mulligan’s Brick Bar in 1985, they would look at them with big eyes, then go back over to their friends,  point and laugh derisively at them just like they did to the Kane boys.

Contrary to popular belief this kind of overt rejection did not build character or stiffen anyone’s resolve. It was soul crushing and led to lonely nights, considerable self-loathing and the purchase of many, many baseball caps. And, no— mistakenly getting the senior discount at Tim Horton’s in their early thirties didn’t make up for it. And, it’s never funny when they’re out for a walk and random Meals on Wheels drivers pull over and try to give them a peanut butter sandwiches with an Ensure chaser— it’s hurtful.

Also, people are mistaken thinking they have an affinity for other bald guys. They constantly have the famous Die Hard line: Yippee Ki Yay Motherfucker, repeated back to them by noted chrome domer Bruce Willis or in a dumb British accent people will repeat Captain Picard’s famous: Make it so— line from Star Trek: The Next Generation. The only thing they want to make so is for people to stop with all the dumb comments.

Most disturbing is people don’t really see them at all. To onlookers they are just a mass of blotchy pink skin, like erasers on the tops of pencils. Nobody sees they are kind and sensitive. Nobody knows how they like holding hands and going for walks on dewy mornings. Nobody knows how they love puppies or how Ziggy (another bald guy) makes them smile. Nobody sees the little boys with flowing locks that still are very much alive in them. 

Despite the ever present pain with the passage of time and real world successes, the brothers have become more philosophical about their shimmering ice capped heads, saying it’s just one more obstacle to confront and conquer.

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The post We Hurt Too: # Bald Lives Matter appeared first on buffalomud.com.