First they came for Roseanne, and I said nothing.
Then they came for Mr. Potato Head. And I said nothing.
Now they’re coming for this beloved children’s book, and I say “no more”.

From 1977 – I DID NOT KNOW THAT BUFFALO

I did not know
That Buffalo
Had such a varied history.

I did not know
That Buffalo
Delighted with such mystery.

It was a place
Where Injuns faced
All manner of dangers and chance.

Not just the snow
Or local foe
But wankers coming in from France

Invaded shores
And Beaver Wars
And white guys getting really lost.

At Fort Stanwix
Some major dicks
Wrote treaties with their fingers crossed.

Then came the Dutch
Who brokered much
And signed the Holland Land Purchase.

Rivers were mapped
The Irish napped
The Yanks and Brits had a skirmish.

In eight-teen hun-
Dred Forty-One
The Germans joined this melting cup.

They brought good beer
And wings, I hear.
(I think. I didn’t look it up.)

An anarchist
Got really pissed
And then shot Bill, the president.

The market fell
Unleashing hell
And paved way for the decadent.

The fifties came;
Mostly the same
Up here by the northern border.

Not much Jim Crow;
The things here showed
Somewhat better kinds of order.

Now dim the lights!
Hold loved ones tight!
The time has come at last to tell.

Frightful stories
Of lost glories:
Buffalo and the N.F.L.

Kelly, Levey,
Andre, Beebe,
Bruce Smith stalking out on the end.

Mueller, Lofton,
Thurman, Conlan,
Norwood. Crushing. NOT tre bien.

Fillmore fellows,
Masiello,
Sabres came close in ninety-nine.

Blue and Weck, and
Young kids neck, and
Chicks from Albright are mighty fine.

Twenty-twenty;
Pain a-plenty.
Orange doofus, dolls of Goo Goo.

Fracking, drilling,
Covid killing.
Local author P.A.’s a poo-poo.

New Tim Hortons,
O J Simpson.
Spyro Gyra out by the bay

Rock and roll whores
And cola wars
What else do I still have to say?

By David P. Zach

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Washington, D.C.— Ahead of flying off to his resort at Mar-a-Largo, for the eighth time this year, President Trump took some time to pardon two prospective Thanksgiving turkeys aptly named, Drumstick and Wishbone at the White House. During the light hearted ceremony in the Rose Garden, Trump noted that though he has been “very active” in overturning the executive actions of his predecessor, it would not be possible to revoke President Obama’s pardons of last year’s turkeys Tater and Tot, per White House counsel. Trump’s sons Donald Jr. and Eric, both of whom were standing by with a Las Vegas taxidermist and cans of gold spray paint, were very upset and disappointed with this legal stance and could be heard muttering: “Stupid lawyers, suck.”

Trump, who seemed to be energized by this exercise of Presidential power soon would be upset too. Reports from the Gobblers Rest Exhibit at Virginia Tech, where the pardoned turkeys were to live out their days in comfort indicated that Drumstick and Wishbone, after initially preening around, making shrill, bombastic vocalizations and shitting everywhere were adjusting nicely to their new environment following the lead of Obama’s pardoned turkeys, Tater and Tot, which angered the President greatly.

During a call early Wednesday morning with Chief of Staff John Kelly, Trump expressed his anger at the ingratitude of both Drumstick and Wishbone for deferring to Obama’s turkeys. At the job some three months now Kelly has learned to let Trump rant a bit rather than to reason with him. Kelly calmly agreed with the with the Page Six President that yes, Drumstick and Wishbone were bigger and better than Tater and Tot and yes, it was disgusting that after pardoning Drumstick and Wishbone, they demurred to Tater and Tot and yes, Kelly said he would look into finding a legal way to overturn Obama’s pardons of Tater and Tot. The always quick on his feet Kelly, even had an answer when Trump asked why Obama’s turkeys were all white, saying they would darken as they aged.

Tweets to follow.      

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