Anchored by the grand matriarch, Dolores Cuddihy, on Friday night with the sun falling from the sky the families set sail along the Buffalo waterfront on the Moondance catamaran with food, drink and a good deal of boisterous talking, laughing and reminiscing. On Saturday they gathered for the reunion proper—a catered backyard happening where they did more talking, laughing and reminiscing while the kids swam, played in the hot tub and kicked a soccer ball. All of this was followed by a peaceful Sunday morning brunch. Over the three day reunion the local author didn’t witness one snippy word or argument, he didn’t hear any passive-aggressive statements and no shade was thrown behind anyone’s back. And the only eye-rolls he saw were the ones directed at him by his own kids— otherwise, it was all light and loveliness.

Of course, the local author did feel the slight tinge of resentment coming his way as a result of his literary accomplishments. Striking a modest stance he said, “Look, you don’t become the 1.5 millionth ranked most popular Amazon author and not expect to engender some jealousy. It’s human nature and the bit of enviousness aimed at me in no way took the bloom off the flower that was the weekend.”

Kane did admit he too had moments of weakness over the weekend. Like when his wife was lolly-gagging along on the way to the catamaran ride on Friday night and he told her: “If you keep walking like an asshole we’re not going to make the boat.” And when the Paul Anka song came on during the evocative slideshow, that was a walk down memory lane, it took all of his strength to not make some snarky remark or put-down at the cheesy song. Instead the wordsmith just thought about plunging a fork into his eye while the song played.

And while fantasizing about the self-injurious act of plunging a fork into one’s eye might seem demented to some—it was growth for Kane. This fantasy removed him from the horror of the Paul Anka tune and coming out the other side he was struck by all that he had been through with these people. From the lumpy Carnation powdered milk, to waiting in line among his nine siblings to use the bathroom to Uncle Bob Cuddihy telling his mom—the bearer of those nine siblings— “Pat, the grass grows when you walk up the driveway.” 

Instead of being in his own head he was able to be in the moment with these beautiful people and he saw the vast reserves of love and goodness that had been cultivated over four generations. 

The experience was nothing short of amazing and it left the prickly author who perpetually has his middle finger raised against an unjust world and a too hard life wanting to try harder and wanting to be a better person.   

Family Photo: Mark Mulville

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First, his mom asked how work was going and he responded with the monosyllabic—”Fine.”  His dad followed up by asking if he was working on any interesting projects, if he might be getting a promotion or if he was making friends with co-workers? Again, Loafer’s replies were terse, “No. Probably not. Not really” He also said, “I went to the bar a couple of times with the guys from work, but all they want to talk about is this project, that program or this business, that CEO. It’s all so boring. The two days I go into the office everybody stresses about systems going down and how it cost the company money and all this other BS. Like I said—boring. They all stay late fixing things, but I’m out of there right at 5. They call me, ‘QQ,’ the quiet quitter, whatever that means.”

Loafer went on to tell his family there was great news on the “World of Warcraft,” front. That his character in the multiplayer online game, Endu—The Macedonian Life Stopper, has reached a level 52. And, on a routine basis he takes out the entire seventh grade class at the Roman Gabriel Middle School in Pasadena, California. The only down side according to Loafer is many times after he’s pounded a “Red Bull,” or two and is totally jacked, most of the kids have to go to bed because they have school in the morning. Except for this kid named Rocco, who goes by the handle Messer Dooom. His dad left recently and his mom is overcompensating by letting Rocco game late into the night. 

Loafer’s grandfather, Archie, asked about the Dollar General, cashier, wondering if she was working her way through school or something. The younger Loafer said he wasn’t sure but didn’t think so because she’s like forty. His sisters giggled and both his parents and grandparents had shocked looks on their faces when he announced her age. He innocently explained, “I go into that store a lot and Bonnie, the cashier, and I got to talking a bit and she asked if had any idea how to reset the password on her Hulu account. I took care of that and a couple of other things, like removing some viruses from her laptop and setting up her online banking account. And, you know, we chat about the price of Cheerios, have some microwave pizza rolls, and one thing leads to another. She says I’m not only her first college boy, but the first dude she’s been with that didn’t smoke—and that fresh breath is so weird.”

After her second Mogen David wine, Loafer’s grandma Marian, told grandson in not the gentlest of terms to . . . “get his shit together and sleep with women his own goddamn age.” Judging from the confused look on his face, Loafer didn’t know what the hell she was talking about.

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It was Christmas ‘77 and Lisa, the matriarch of the McClure’s, remembered Breakdown had been a big hit, but she didn’t much care for it. “Then, at your father/grandfather’s family Christmas party, we lifted a couple of beers, went down to their funky semi-finished basement and listened to the album. I remember complaining that I wanted to listen to Frampton Comes Alive, but your father was like ‘Trust me.’ Aside from Breakdown it was really great. Shitty songs like Bohemian Rhapsody and bands like Pink Floyd were turning rock music into this wine and cheese thing, but Petty, with all those jangly guitars was dirty, straight forward rock-n-roll that felt dangerous. We smoked cigarettes, danced and by those first cha’s of American Girl we both knew and your father, all twitchy and nervous, leaned in and kissed me. It was so sweet.

“Was that the night I was conceived mom?” Jesse asked,

“What am I a tramp? I was like fourteen, it was a first kiss,” Lisa said smirking. “I wouldn’t get knocked up another year. And you weren’t conceived to anything as exalted as Tom Petty. You landed with some bullshit like Toto or REO Speedwagon playing in the background.”

All of them laughed and then Jesse went into the story of Joey Hofstetter, “He was this kid that never said much and was kind of a loner. In sixth grade he started wearing a motorcycle leather and by freshman year you could always see the outline of his Marlboro reds in his top pocket. The thing that got me though was his sexy crooked teeth. He rarely smiled, but when he did, oh my god, I’d get so lightheaded. My friends thought he was gross, but I thought he was such a mystery, such a badass.”

“Wow mom, you were in love with Fonzie,” Madison cracked.

“No, no Fonzie was boy scout with perfect teeth and Joey was anything but. And, how do you know about Fonzie?”

“Nick at Nite, we watched Happy Days like a million times together, mother, “Madison said shaking her head.

“Anyway,” Jesse continued, “a couple days after freshman year ended I’m at Darien Lake with my friends and I see him with some guys. Standing around we make eye contact and I tell my friends I’m going to talk to him. They pleaded with me not to, but I went right over there and said hello. He nodded to his friends and they walked away. We sat down on the bench in front of the Tilt-a-Whirl. Smells Like Teen Spirit was playing and he said bands like Nirvana and Pearl Jam sucked. He was into the old New York scene, Television and The New York Dolls—of course he was. He said maybe one or two more things and then with the Tilt-a-Whirl twirling, Free Fallin’ comes on the PA and Joey puts his arm around me and we start kissing. It was so perfect, necking with this rebel boy that my friends didn’t like, to a song I loved so much. I remember thinking, I hope he tries to feel me up cause I’ll let him. We came up for air a couple of times, but mostly we necked though the whole song.  And, it was so great, free falling…out into nothing with Joey Hofstetter on my lips. Then, when the song ended something by the GooGooDolls came up and he accidentally bit my tongue and it started bleeding. He ran and got some napkins and ice and was so apologetic, which ruined everything. I wish he would have just said, ‘Sorry babe,’ got up and left me there bleeding. Instead, he was a goddamn boy scout, so thoughtful, kind and sorry, which ruined everything…everything.”

With the three women laughing really hard now Madison began the tale of her first kiss. “Remember my friend Kaley O’Brien?

“Kaley, of course I remember her. You were inseparable for a few years,” Jesse said nodding

“Yeah, she was my girlfriend and we had this wicked thing.”

“And I didn’t know. Oh dear, mother of the year” Jesse said

“Don’t worry mom, nobody knew,” Madison said.

So anyway,”  she continued, “It was a beautiful day for our freshman class picnic and of course I wasn’t into KanJam or the giant kickball game my classmates were having and neither was Kaley. We slipped away and sat on the edge of Caz Creek watching the ducks bob for food in the water. She had a little boombox and an iPod, which she hit the shuffle on. Good stuff, Van Morrison, Elvis Costello, Rickie Lee Jones. Eventually we stretched out on the side of the creek bed and looked up at the sky and talked about, of all things, boys. We both had been on a few dates and technically both of us had kissed boys,  but it didn’t count. Nothing counted until Kaley got up on her elbow and looking me in the eye she started to mouth the words to TP’s Wildflowers, which was spinning so sweetly in the background. She was so pretty with little beams of sunlight cutting through her hair. And, even though we weren’t among the wildflowers, it sure felt like it. My body shuddered as she moved in, and not only did she kiss me so fully and so beautifully, she felt me up too.”

“TMI, TMI,” grandma Lisa said, raising her hand, shaking her head.  

“What ever happened to Kaley?” Jesse asked

“She went away to school and we kind of lost touch. I saw her a couple years ago at the 7-Eleven when she was home for a visit. Writes lesbian erotica,” Madison said, “ and is really successful. A Deep Dive Into The Briar Patch, Fifty Shades In The Pink, are a couple of her books and she has this sexy professor series Subterranean Research 101, 202. 303, 404. They are hot as hell.”

Just then Wake Up Time, popped into the rotation and the McClure women went silent listening to the solemn song. After a moment they looked at each other and touched hands as tears welled in their eyes.

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