Jack Eichel Reveals He’s A Juggalo: Bummed Summer “Gathering” Is Cancelled

Share

North Chelmsford, Massachusetts—Buffalo Sabres star forward Jack Eichel revealed this week he is a fan of the hardcore hip hop duo, Insane Clown Posse (ICP)and considers himself a Juggalo. Following another disappointing season that saw the Sabres miss the NHL playoffs for the ninth straight year Eichel was really looking forward to the perspective and healing he finds attending Gathering of the Juggalos, which has been canceled due to the Covid crisis. The Gathering of the Juggalos is a yearly summer event where the rules of everyday life, such as wearing clothes and being relatively sober, are suspended over a long weekend for ICP fans—Whoop whoop

Juggalos and Juggalettes, in addition to making Whoop whoop calls, are identified by their evil clown makeup, love of hardcore hip hop, drinking and spraying inexpensive Faygo soda, Hatchet Man tattoos and skulls tripping on loads of illicit contraband secured on the Drug Bridge. The Juggalos are also commonly characterized by an impoverished, outsider background that is often marked by great trauma. But instead feeling victimized by this trauma the Juggalos embrace and celebrate their shared experience of hardship. While Jack Eichel is no way financially impoverished, his first five-years in the NHL with the Sabres have certainly been traumatizing.

Eichel said he attended his first Gathering of the Juggalos festival with a friend in Oklahoma after the disastrous 2016-17 season where the Sabres finished second last in the Eastern conference. “I was real down after the season and one of my boys suggested the “Gathering,” Eichel said. “Nobody really knew who I was, but because so many Juggalos go through life feeling like outsiders and losers they instantly understood my situation and embraced me. I felt nothing but love from them. I was so overwhelmed by the Juggalo kindness I bought about fifty guys and girls Hatchet Man tats.”  

Kotton Kandy

The next summer after the Sabres finished dead last in the NHL and traded away Ryan O’Reilly, Eichel was even more depressed and the “Gathering,” turned dangerous for him. “I was really down,” Eichel said, “and scored some really potent Molly on the Drug Bridge and got a little out of hand, but my Juggalo family came through for me. My boy Jester and his dope ass chick, Kotton Kandy helped me ride that wave. She got all the poison out of me, if you know what I mean. They were both so happy to help. It was beautiful. After they got me right we had some fun at the Juggalo Championship Wrestling Ring and the strip club. Then we went for a swim in Hepatitis Lake before and rocking the night away with ICP. Best time I ever had. Really recharged my battery. Whoop whoop.”

Though Eichel went into the next season fired up and had a great year, the Sabres again missed the playoffs and coach Phil Housley got fired. “It turned out Jester was in court ordered rehab and couldn’t make the “Gathering” in Indiana,” Eichel said. “But Kotton Kandy was there. And, she had a note from Jester telling me to take care of her like a good Juggalo homie, if you know what I mean. During some conversation she told me how she was trying to get some cash together for cosmetology school in the fall. After the weekend I found the place where she wanted to go and paid the tuition. I love that girl and it’s the least I could do for her and Jester.”

As the Sabres missed the playoffs yet again in the Covid shortened season and followed that up by firing the general manager and his staff Eichel needed the “Gathering” more than ever. He’s really bummed it got cancelled, but is hoping to hook up with Jasper, Kotton Kandy and some other Juggalo peeps this summer. 

About P.A. Kane

Writer and payer of tuition.

View all posts by P.A. Kane →