Buffalo, NY— Earlier this week President Trump retweeted a report by @OANN suggesting 75 year-old Buffalo protester, Martin Gugino, who was pushed to the ground by police and was bleeding from his ear, was really an ANTIFA provocateur trying to blackout police communication devices. In the wake of this event an underground group of senior citizen ANTIFA members from Western New York have come forward with a message: “Don’t Fuck With Us!!!”
Though details about the group remain sketchy, and they would neither confirm nor deny Gugino was part of their organization, members of the Executive and Enforcer committees have come out of the shadows vowing to inflict pain on those that would promote a fascist agenda for America.
Executive Committee member “Ma Hammerschmidt” (seated with ice cream cone) said it was a mistake to underestimate their power and know-how. “Sure, our planning sessions are often interrupted by bingo, naps and the need to change out our diapers, but we still get shit done. Remember, we’re the ones that took out Hitler and Mussolini. These days Americans don’t even know what fascism is and ole mushroom dick Trump, doesn’t even know he is a fascist. Well, come November, we’re going to set shit straight. Hopefully, it will be peaceful, so we can get back to watching The Price Is Right and staring out our windows at our neighbors.
Members of the Enforcer Committee, waiting on orders gathered to discuss strategy. Camera shy “Louie the Finger” (scratching head), had this to say, “Lots of people think because we have three hip and five knee replacements between us and because we’re on so much Coumadin that our blood is as clear as baby piss, that we can’t bring it. That is a mistake we hope you don’t make. Because if America insists on moving toward being a fascist state, we’ll be as pissed as Clint Eastwood in Gran Torino and as crazy as real life, Gary Busey. And, not only will we bring the physical pain, but our great grand kids have our Jitterbugs locked and loaded with so much firepower, it’ll make Guginos’ blackout software look like Pong set in easy mode.
From there the ladies started to talk about that day’s delicious Meals on Wheels lunch of meatloaf, mash potatoes and applesauce, while the guys fell into a heated discussion about who was a better actress, Myrna Loy or Mary Pickford. But, before disassembling for afternoon meds and possibly the Earlybird Special, both “Ma Hammerschmidt” and “Louie the Finger,” gave a quick, knowing wink and then mouthed the words: “Don’t Fuck With Us!!!”