Unidentified White Women Complains About Modest Florida Breeze


Largo, Florida—An unidentified white woman complained about the chill she was hoping to survive from the modest Florida breeze when she exited the heated pool at the Glenwood condominium complex. 

The complaint was lodged in a friendly, small talk type of way to a group of brothers drinking beer at a table near the pool after she took off her gauzy cotton robe and entered the water. The brothers, who were from Buffalo, NY had just returned to the complex after enjoying a round of golf on a beautiful, sun-kissed-breezy-eighty-degree Florida day. Engaged, as usual, in a squabble over handicaps and scores, the brothers smiled back and agreed that there certainly was a little nip on the air. The brother who lived in the complex looked at his siblings and quietly said, “There’s no crying on the yacht,” which got a big laugh.  

Two older white women already in the pool were having an in-depth conversation about the best walkers for the money and other ambulation issues. A second group of three white women also in the pool were speaking in whispers and throwing extreme eye rolls in the direction of the two women discussing the walkers. One of the women mouthed, “Imagine if they were incontinent.” And, then the three women broke into an extreme fit of laughter.

Michael Bloomberg

A group of pasty shirtless white men in wide brimmed camo colored sun hats and baseball caps sat within earshot of the brothers. They were talking about how Mike Bloomberg would be the one Democrat they could support for President if he wasn’t so goddamn anti-2nd Amendment. After a while the men in the camo hats and their sagging white skin came over to the brothers and said hello. The brother who lived in the complex introduced his siblings and once they dispensed with the bad Buffalo weather jokes one of the brothers said Bloomberg wasn’t anti-2nd Amendment, he was just for gun safety and background checks. This comment was met with a steely, awkward silence, which the brother who lived in the complex eventually responded to by saying, “Shut up.” He then turned to the camo guys and said, “His head is still frozen.”

When the white camo guys dispersed after a few more awkward moments the brother who lived in the complex looked at his sibling who tried to explain Bloomberg’s position on guns and said, “How fucking stupid are you? This is Florida. Don’t ever talk guns unless it’s about more access or making them more lethal. Everybody here is a fucking cowboy, you dumbass.” 

Just then the unidentified white woman exited the pool and moved at an accelerated pace, “whoo wooing” as she went. With a series of deft movements she was able get her robe back on before being overwhelmed by the modest breeze.

Looking at the brothers she said, “Boy, that air will chill you to the bone!”      

About P.A. Kane

Writer and payer of tuition.

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