Buffalo, NY—Anatoli Rezvinak of Dutton Avenue on the East side of Buffalo paid his neighbor Boris Tretiack $10,000 to impregnate his wife, Valentina. But, after eighty-four attempts with no results Rezvinak is demanding his funds be returned for failure to complete the job.
Rezvinak, 35 was born in Pripyat, Ukraine shortly after the Chernobyl nuclear accident in 1986. As a result of radiation exposure doctors informed Rezvinak he was incapable of reproducing. But his wife Valentina, 28 badly wanted to have a child. To accomplish this goal the couple entered into an agreement with Tretiack, who was recently widowed and the father of two sons.
Unfortunately, Tretiack, 37 also of Pripyat, Ukraine failed to inform the Rezvinak that he too had complications as a result of radiation poisoning and that his sons were adopted. Tretiack maintains that Rezvinak never inquired about the origins of his sons or whether he was capable of reproducing. “Anatoli ask me to help wife have child. I tell my friend, I try my best,” Tretiack said pleading his case.
Tretiak’s best translated into eighty-four sexual encounters with Valentina over a period of six-months, all of which were unsuccessful. Tretiak said, “Yes, no baby came, but I not say unsuccessful. Valentina freaky lover. We have much fun.”
Initially, the Rezvinak’s thought fate had smiled down on them when a fellow Unkranian moved in just a few doors down. But, now they would just like to wash their hands of the situation and have Tretiack return the money.
However, Tretiack said the money is gone. Most of it was spent on cocaine and crystal meth which he and Valentina would snort off each other asses prior to their love making. The other money was spent on lessons to become an Elvis impersonator.
The Rezvinak’s are furious and demanding their funds be returned. Short of that they are considering suing Tretiak. And, since the pregnancy issue remains unresolved they are considering a trip to a South Buffalo bar for a random encounter with one of those Irish/Catholic guys, who are known for their ability to fight, throw a few back and procreate.