Buffalo, NY—For years local author P.A.Kane has endured rumors regarding his lack of manhood. A recently leaked photograph seems to refute these rumors and reveal the author to be HUGE.
Kane confirmed there had been whispers circulating for years among old girlfriends and surprisingly enough, his wife of almost three decades, Donna. “Oh yeah,” he said. “I’ve seen the hand gestures, heard the hushed laughter and the nicknames—the endless nicknames: Captain Lightswitch, Dust In The Wind, The Two Inch Grinch, among others. It was very hurtful to be disparaged that way. But the truth is out there now, so that’s HUGELY gratifying,”
Asked why his wife of almost thirty years and others would perpetuate such rumors Kane said, “My wife fashions herself a comedian and I’m always her foil. She’s also afraid to lose me and los pink hammer, so she spreads these rumors. I mean, not everybody gets to spend decades of matrimonial bliss with the 1.5 millionth ranked author on Amazon. And, those from my past are maybe a little angry things didn’t work out for us. So, they go around referring to my stuff as: The Gingrich or The Milimeter In The Morning.
Kane also confessed that because of the heat he was packing, as a young man he considered a career in porn. He made several inquiries, but ultimately, he decided against it. “Even though it was the 70’s and body hair was a thing, I had a bit too much and they wanted me to trim it back. I was unwilling to compromise myself in that way so I decided not to pursue that career path.”
Like President Trump, who accepted apologies from the fake news after calling him out about doctoring the path of Hurricane Dorian with a Sharpie this past week, Kane also accepted the apologies from those, including his wife, who have perpetuated this myth regarding his size for years.
Kane is presently shopping a recently penned essay: “The Pain and The Pleasure: The Story Of My Lonely Meat Stick,” to web outlets and magazines.