The Real Places Where Trump Was A First Responder

Trump at Bullshit Mountain

Washington D.C.—This past week President Trump signed a bill permanently reauthorizing the September 11th Victim Compensation Fund, which provides health care funding for surviving first responders of the nine-eleven terror attacks. During remarks prior to signing the bill Trump claimed to have been on the front lines of the rescue effort. 

” Many of those affected were firefighters, police officers and other first responders. And I was down there also, but I’m not considering myself a first responder. But I was down there. I spent a lot of time down there with you.”

These claims by the President are demonstrably false. On the morning of the attacks he was seven-miles away doing a phone interview on New York’s WWOR radio station bragging in typical Trump fashion that his building at 40 Wall Street was now the tallest building in New York with the Twin Towers down. On September 14th he was photographed at Ground Zero in a crisp black suit with every plastic aqua-netted hair in place telling lies into a cell-phone to a German news station about having hundred men helping in the rescue effort with a hundred-twenty-five more on the way.

But President Trump’s claims about being a first responder aren’t always untrue.

Soon after charges were filed against New England Patriots owner, Robert Kraft for soliciting sex from a prostitute Trump, who has some real experience in this area, was seen conferring and planning a strategy to fend off these charges. In a statement to the press after meeting with Trump, Kraft proclaimed his innocence and then employed some of the Presidents gaslighting techniques asking why Bill Clinton was never charged with sex crimes. Why wasn’t Hillary ever locked up? Why Mika and Joe aren’t jailed for their awful show on MSNBC? Why does a commie like AOC have such nice clothes and look so well fed?


The President said of Kraft: “Bob Kraft is an amazing guy. He has a lot of money-billions and billions and billions- and as you know, many many people in the fake news want to take a great guy like Bob down. It’s absolutely disgusting and very unfair the way he has been treated over a little hand action. We’re going to take care of this for Bob.”

Prior to being President, as the owner of the Miss Teen USA Pageant, Trump was often on the front lines of many middle school graduations scouting the fourteen year old talent. While there is a whole pageant industry which feeds Miss Teen USA, Trump noted, “There are always some overlooked diamonds in the rough.” Referencing concerns about his presence at these graduation events Trump said, “Some people, not many, will always try to hit Trump. It’s sad and very unfair when all I’m trying to do is give these sweet luscious girls a chance of a lifetime.”  

And, of course, Trump is always the first-first responder from his perch high atop bullshit mountain. From this perch he assails everyone from world leaders to female soccer players with lies, deceit and hate. And, while he has told over ten-thousand lies in his two and a half years as President here is just a taste of the shit that rains down on us from bullshit mountain:

“The beauty of me is that I’m very rich.” 

“All of the women on ‘The Apprentice’ flirted with me—consciously or unconsciously. That’s to be expected.”

“My fingers are long and beautiful, as, it has been well been documented, are various other parts of my body.”

“I’m speaking with myself, number one, because I have a very good brain and I’ve said a lot of things.”

 “They don’t write good. They have people over there, like Maggie Haberman and others, they don’t—they don’t write good. They don’t know how to write good.    

 “I know more about ISIS than the generals do, believe me…I would bomb the shit out of them.”  

“This is the Trump theory on war. But I’m good at war. I’ve had a lot of wars of my own. I’m really good at war. I love war in a certain way. But only when we win.”

“I like kids. I mean, I won’t do anything to take care of them. I’ll supply funds, and she’ll take care of the kids.”  

“In life you have to rely on the past, and that’s called history.”

“If Hillary Clinton can’t satisfy her husband what makes her think she can satisfy America?

About P.A. Kane

Writer and payer of tuition.

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