By Senior Mud Contributor- David P. Zach
Boffleflot, United Kingdom – Ninth Circuit Court has agreed to hear “Tolkien v. Kane”, in which the late author’s estate has sued under the plagiary statute, stating that Kane’s latest work, Leaving Jackson Wolf borrows liberally from the epic novels of Middle-Earth.
Some of the arguments listed in the suit:
McDougal is clearly a hobbit – The new book’s opening line – “McDougal had some pituitary dysfunction bullshit that made him a little runt” – makes it clear that Kane is co-opting Tolkien’s creation of a diminutive, reluctant hero.
Prince’s Blade Gaming = Rivendell – Tolkien describes the Elvish valley of Rivendell as “the last homely house west of the Misty Mountains”, a haven of peace and refuge in a troubled world. (Scholars differ on whether Mike or Denny represents Elrond.)
Jackson’s reading habits – It has long been accepted that The Sound and the Fury was a cheap knock-off of The Lay of Aotrou and Itroun.
Trump/Sauron – The object of Wolf’s father’s devotion, Kane’s grotesque orange specter is often referenced but never actually depicted on page.
Elves/Elvis – Tolkien writes of the Elves in over-the-top, glowing prose – “They are fair of face beyond the measure of men” – yet most of Middle-Earth is privately put off by their holier-than-thou smugness. Plus, their music sucks.
Buffalo or Morder? – “Mists curled and smoked from dark and noisome pools. The air, as it seemed to them, grew harsh, and filled with a bitter reek that caught their breath and parched their mouths.”
The Authors – Tolkien was a middle-aged white man with a penchant for odd headwear and Baked Lays. Sound familiar?
Until the suit is settled, both Barnes & Noble and Sunoco will pull the hardback of Leaving Jackson Wolf from the shelves. Kane has decried the setback as an infringement on his 19th amendment rights. Judges Jeanine Pirro, Andrew Napolitano and Judy have all weighed in, stating that the case appears to be a slam-dunk for the Tolkien Estate. Miramax has snapped up the story rights; filming on the legal thriller will begin this January, with Andy Serkis portraying Kane in a CGI role.
UPDATE – Brett Kavanaugh sent out a drunken tweet daring the 9th Circuit to send the case up to the United States Supreme Court, where he would “stand up for my man P.A. Kane like bros do.”