Buffalo N.Y.—Trumpy Bear is a plush, dark brown teddy bear emboldened with a white collar, white cuffs and a long red tie. It has a comb-over-like sweep of blond hair and an American flag that folds out from a compartment in the back. Marketed by a Texas based company Exceptional Products, the bear sells for two easy payments of $19.95 plus shipping and handling. It makes a great gift for any patriotic supporter of President Trump who wants to Make America Great Again.
In fact, many, many people who have purchased Trumpy Bear have said, not only does it fill them with enormous pride, but it also keeps them strong when challenged by annoying libtards and snowflakes, plus it’s great to snuggle with on a cold night.
Mike Smith, a junior Civil Engineer from South Buffalo said, “Whenever one of my elitist co-workers starts yapping about climate change and evidence based research or the positive role immigrants play in the economy, all I have to do is look at the Trumpy Bear on my desk and remember, facts are a liberal bias. It also gives me the power to punch back hard about climate change being a Chinese hoax and about M13 gang members pouring across the border raping and murdering real Americans. Real Americans that support President Trump and a big beautiful wall paid for by Mexico… Thanks Trumpy Bear.”
Kenny Jarrett, a sportsman from North Tonawanda, has outfitted the Sweeney Street Rod and Gun with several Trumpy Bears. He said the bears help members to stay strong in the face of all the fake news. “Sometimes we forget that those Parkland kids, David Hogg and Emma Gonzales are just crisis actors hired by George Soros. When they talk about banning the AR-15 or make a libtard point about the brain chemistry of children being changed because of the of fear gun violence, all I have do to get right is look at Trumpy Bear. Standing so erect and strong Trumpy Bear reminds me and everybody at the Rod and Gun, a good guy with a gun beats a bad guy with a gun and armed teachers and school personal will produce righteous, prideful brain chemistry in children who want to Make America Great Again…Thanks Trumpy Bear.”
John Hill keeps a Trumpy Bear on the dashboard of his Ford F150. Eternally accessorized with wrap around shades, a backwards tuned baseball cap and a glut of hideous tattoos Hill said, “I’m an aggressive driver and don’t really have time to be courteous. I mean, when I’m cruising with a Red Bull and some Kill Em All, it’s really not my fucking problem that you can’t merge or change lanes. And, so what if I blew you up with my horn for hesitating when the light turned green. Get your shit together. I’ll admit, sometimes when I see a little old lady jump after laying on the horn, it kind of makes me feel like an asshole. But, in those moments all I have to do is look at my Trumpy Bear and I’m back in the game. Get the fuck out of my way lady… Thanks, Trumpy Bear.”
Dom Johnson, a construction foreman says he keeps a Trumpy Bear at all his work sites. “When the guys catcall and objectify the women passing by our jobs, more and more these uppity women have been fighting back and really putting the guys in their place. It was getting so bad some of the guys were starting to question themselves and what they were saying and were even starting to look at these women with dignity and respect, almost like they were human or something. Then, I brought Trumpy Bear into the mix and stopped that run away train. And, now our work sites are once again rife toxic male masculinity like it’s the 1970’s. Any and all push back from these women is met with a little nod to the bear and a yell of: “Grab em by the pussy,”… Thanks Trumpy Bear.”
Trumpy Bear, doing its part to Make America Great Again.