Pardoned Turkeys Lack Of Gratitude Angers Trump

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Washington, D.C.— Ahead of flying off to his resort at Mar-a-Largo, for the eighth time this year, President Trump took some time to pardon two prospective Thanksgiving turkeys aptly named, Drumstick and Wishbone at the White House. During the light hearted ceremony in the Rose Garden, Trump noted that though he has been “very active” in overturning the executive actions of his predecessor, it would not be possible to revoke President Obama’s pardons of last year’s turkeys Tater and Tot, per White House counsel. Trump’s sons Donald Jr. and Eric, both of whom were standing by with a Las Vegas taxidermist and cans of gold spray paint, were very upset and disappointed with this legal stance and could be heard muttering: “Stupid lawyers, suck.”

Trump, who seemed to be energized by this exercise of Presidential power soon would be upset too. Reports from the Gobblers Rest Exhibit at Virginia Tech, where the pardoned turkeys were to live out their days in comfort indicated that Drumstick and Wishbone, after initially preening around, making shrill, bombastic vocalizations and shitting everywhere were adjusting nicely to their new environment following the lead of Obama’s pardoned turkeys, Tater and Tot, which angered the President greatly.

During a call early Wednesday morning with Chief of Staff John Kelly, Trump expressed his anger at the ingratitude of both Drumstick and Wishbone for deferring to Obama’s turkeys. At the job some three months now Kelly has learned to let Trump rant a bit rather than to reason with him. Kelly calmly agreed with the with the Page Six President that yes, Drumstick and Wishbone were bigger and better than Tater and Tot and yes, it was disgusting that after pardoning Drumstick and Wishbone, they demurred to Tater and Tot and yes, Kelly said he would look into finding a legal way to overturn Obama’s pardons of Tater and Tot. The always quick on his feet Kelly, even had an answer when Trump asked why Obama’s turkeys were all white, saying they would darken as they aged.

Tweets to follow.      

 

About P.A. Kane

Writer and payer of tuition.

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